Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Teenage boys masturbating at furious pace.

From Of course, you're just playing it for the articles.

"Playboy: The Mansion blends state-of-the-art social simulation with traditional role-playing and empire-building gameplay. As Hugh Hefner, you build the Playboy mansion and magazine into a dynamic cultural icon and powerful brand. Rub shoulders with stunning women and stimulating celebrities as you pursue the ultimate Playboy lifestyle. Grow famous and gain exclusive access to the Playboy Archives."

mo testin'

here's stuff from Cnn, i hope.

"quote from cnn"

test of link field

From test

"body"

sports guy on Boston, really, read this

Tear to the eye kinda stuff...

Sports Guy

From the Sam of Horn message board, after a post about all of the former Red Sox that deserve this World Series win:

"Most of all, win it for James Lawrence Kelly, 1913-1986. This one's for you, Daddy. You always told me that loyalty and perseverance go hand in hand. Thanks for sharing the best part of you with me."

Saturday, October 23, 2004

exploding dog

it might not be the best idea

goodness, sleeping pill, h20, bed

some goodness at explodingdog.com

what's your favorite?

my top 2 1
2
ok 3



DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP REDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD EDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
BELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSS!

(Remember: through you, all things are possible.)

OK, one more. Giddy. And trying to maintain my Fonziness the whole Halloween weekend.

goodness, sleeping pill, h20, bed

some goodness at explodingdog.com

what's your favorite?

my top 2 1
2
ok 3



DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP REDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD EDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
BELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSS!

(Remember: through you, all things are possible.)

team america

Saw Team America with THamling tonight.

Funny fucking shit, in a very South Park done by marionettes kinda way. The funniest puppet vomit scene ever.

And some great musical numbers. The faux-Toby Keith 'Freedom ain't free' especially.

Go see it.

peripatetic

Talked with Tracy today about working full-time at WDoody. Once again, we basically agreed that it wasn't in either of our best interests based on the type of work that was coming in off the ocean swells. Autodesk? Do I want to spend the next 6 months writing Autodesk? Not really.

He does want me to stay and do some more freelance. So, I'm here through next week. After that, he said he didn't want to keep me, but it was up to me if i wanted to work some more. I'm hoping that's not just a nice way of saying see you later. don't let the door hit your ass... It'd be nice to pull some more work (read: dough).

This is the end of my 6th week here. 6 weeks! Holy shit! That's a lot of cash.

Now, it's time to go into networking overdrive, and to do the stuff that I want to do for my portfolio. It's funny, I have negative self-esteem with my portfolio (imagine that). Like I've got to massively change it before I send it back out. I'd like it to be reject-proof. As if that's possible. I want the Wieden & Goodby's of the world to run around in a hallucinatory daze after they see it. Sleep with it, poop with it, whatever.

Had an idea having to do with stem cells and Christopher Reeve. What was it again?

Anyway, I'll be in LA through the 29th. PDX the next day, Lake Quinalt party (thanks Hart'n'Steve) that weekend, and probably back in LA on the 1st. Vote on the 2nd. Move to Spain on the 3rd.



Florida Red Sox

Went to high school with Jason Veritek, the Red Sox' catcher. Nice guy.

Here's the article from the Sentinel.

Home team reaches Series


Technically they're from Boston, but the Red Sox boast plenty of local players.
By David Whitley
Sentinel Staff Writer

October 23, 2004

BOSTON -- Jason Varitek is back in a World Series. Only this time he's playing for the Boston Red Sox, not the Altamonte Springs Little League.

He's a bit older, wiser and richer, unless the booster club paid him $6.9 million a year as a 12-year-old.

But perhaps the most remarkable thing is that as far as Varitek has come, Boston's catcher is still almost surrounded by Central Florida teammates. When the World Series begins tonight at Fenway Park, Oviedo's Mark Bellhorn will be at second base, Dr. Phillips' Johnny Damon will be in center field. And on the mound for the American League champions will be Tim Wakefield from Eau Gallie in Brevard County.

Neko

Neko Case has received the radio free magellan 'hum it all night and day long' song of the week.

Deep Red Bells. Go and buy it. Though, theoretically, you could listen to it here.

She's got a voice that could fill the Gorge. I think it's the moment at 2:49 in when the guitar strums back in... Listen and love. DeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPpppppp REDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD BELLS...

New live album from her on the Nov 9.

It's purely coincidental that she was vote Playboy's "Hottest woman in indie rock." Seriously. Listen to that voice.

this blog will change your life

At Tom's, came across a book called 'This Book Will Change Your Life. (365 daily instructions for hysterical living)'

It's a survival manual for 365 days of good strange living (no chemistry necessary, as far as I could tell).

The book has a website called this website will change your life

It comes with the Again!Again! seal of approval.

From Amazon: "Book Description
Is the year ahead looking much the same as the last? Another 365-day grind of meetings, dinner dates, and deadlines? If so, try this book.

Part instruction manual, part therapy, part religious cult, part sheer anarchy, This Book Will Change Your Life will help you poke a stick in the spokes of your routine.

It contains 365 daily orders, each one of which could turn your humdrum existence into a daily free-fall. On day 295, propose to a complete stranger. On day 181, get your street renamed after you. On day 16, discreetly give the finger to everyone you meet. Other days encourage self-crucifixion, currency manipulation, and writing to dictators.

Unusual and hilarious. The perfect gift for the guy or girl who has everything!"

Friday, October 22, 2004

Begging the question, what are the other 2 states?

"The Humane Society of the United States (HSUS) is upset with Burger King about the www.chickenfight.com promotion created by Crispin, Porter + Bogusky. The site allows users to pit two guys in chicken suits -- representing different chicken sandwiches -- against each other in a cage match. Not funny, according to HSUS president and CEO Wayne Pacelle, who says in a statement, "Whatever the intent of this promotion, the effect is to make light of chicken fighting. Cockfighting, which is illegal in 48 states, is a disgraceful practice not only involving animal cruelty, but drug trafficking, illegal gambling and human-on-human violence."

IT IS ON! PARTY PEOPLE, C'MON!

Download this song from Fluxblog (about 2 pages down at the following link. It'll pick your day up. Note: this is not irony, but pure uncut joy.

"United State Of Electronica "IT IS ON!" - Ideally, if one were to make sheet music for the USE, every note would be punctuated by at least three or four exclamation points. I was lucky enough to see the band perform twice over the past three days, and as a result, I've made the transition from being a casual fan to a devoted fanatic. USE is the most enthusiastic band that I've ever seen. When they play live, it seems as though there is no other music on Earth that they love more than the songs in their set. They are relentlessly upbeat, and are intensely focused on a single goal: to make every person in the room dance and have fun. They achieve this with amazing efficiency while still coming off as being loose, spontaneous, and silly. USE are a unique phenomenon, an unlikely fusion of twee indie pop and Daft Punk/Avalanches-style dance music which probably shouldn't work, but does thanks to the band's total, unironic commitment and abundance of instantly loveable songs"

Oregonian Measure 36 article

Slate's current Electoral Vote Poll Survey finds Bush ahead.

Despite his lies.

Speaking of lies, here's an article on Measure 36.

dorky studs

I've never stayed with a dorky guy who was getting a lot of action. I'm wondering what that feels like.

When I came back to my friends' loft tonight, Chris' girlfriend was here, and JD was mackin' on some girl from the Decomp night. It's kinda depressing. I don't have any LA game, and haven't hooked up here at all. These guys are studs.

Does it feel better, worse, or different, when your housemates/roommates/couchsurfslumlords are dorkier than you and hooking up a lot more?

I'm not sure I want to find out.

And what's it like to stay with a member of the opposite sex, who's hooking up a lot? How does it affect your feelings if she's a) not at all attractive b) you can see how she's attractive to some folks, but not to you, or c) smokin'.

my t-shirts are fine thank you.

i've got When Harry Met Sally posts coming. my sleeping pills are refilled tomorrow. somehow, i made it through the last few nights without them.

and i might see Jen Leo for a glimpse on Monday, though not in a stalker way. (retaliatory strike! shazam! Ok, that wasn't cool. sorry. I am happy for you.)

in closing,
BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,BADGER,

Also, when you're not getting any, you think that every noise from your roommates/neighbors is the sound of them having sex. See Hornby, Nick. And others.

fuck the t-shirts, i'm going to sleep.

Mitch Hedberg

Went and saw Mitch Hedberg tonight with Shawn X____. Can't remember his name. He did a sorta Tenacious D/David Sedaris kinda thing. It was just ok. What was not OK, was the pro-wrestling crowd sitting in our mezzanine section. There was the usual opening act heckling, but one fucker behind us was yelling, "Get off the stage, you Jew!"

I am not making this up.

I was kinda hoping it was Andy Kaufman, and that it was some kind of weird performance art parody, but it wasn't.

Guy 2 aisles over: "I wanna fuck your sister!" x 20.

During Mitch Hed-BERG's show (that's BERG, not Alowski, not dikan, not son, BERG. BERG. BERG. BERG. BERG.

Strangely, we didn't hear the anti-Semitic heckler during the show. (I have laundry in. It is strangely unnerving to me to have laundry in. Like laundry must be done efficiently or not at all, or perhaps repeated. I should go check on my t-shirts. I might almost pay to have my wrinklable laundry to be done for me. I do not worry about my socks and underwear laundry. Except for perhaps, underdoing them. Kinda like chicken, in that regard. Anyhow.)

Oh, during Mitch's show, some asshole next to us kept singing along with the jokes. Joel T. asked him to stop, and still the guy didn't. So, Joel moved.

Here's the deal: It's OK during wrestling or Andrew Dice Clay, to sing-along with the sing-alongs. That's the goddamned point. But these mooks were doing the 1993 era Das-EFX singalongs, where they would only know the rhyming words (so-to-speak) and couldn't do anything over 3 syllables.

Mitch: I don't have roaches.
Guys: jfkadl;sfjkdasl roaches.
Mitch: (breath)
Guys: I have a koala bear..
Mitch: (catching up): I've got a koala bear
Mitch: (by himself): infestation.
Guys: Zzzzzz.

Fuck on a stick. Last comedian I see in the Mezzanine, or after he becomes popular. I'm leaving it to Butter to stick some of the jokes he remembers in the comments section.

(Wish there was a font that could immitate Mitch's half-Cajun, half-amazing accent.)

Going to check on my t-shirts...

Thursday, October 21, 2004

barney shakur

sure this is all over the blogosphere.

Barney Shakur

back to politics

The always wonderful Maureen Dowd: "The president has this strange notion that his belief in God means detailed and perfect knowledge of everything that God wants. He may wish to keep his head stuck in the Iraqi sand, but he may discover that the Almighty has His own purposes. "

Is too a cockroach.

Whaddya know?

Boston won last night.

Is this their year? I dunno.

Hope is too a cockroach

Whaddya know?

Boston won last night.

Is this their year? I dunno.

sentence: back pain for life.

Apologies to those of you who received this via email:

ugh. just back from the Chiropractor. he took some x-rays and then basically
said there's nothing the world of chiropracty can do for me, and that *maybe* a
bigger heel lift would balance the imbalance in my lumbar/pelvic region (one
hipbone is 16m m higher than the other.)

i asked him what any of this had to do with the original injury and his opinion
was that it really doesn't have much if anything to do with it.

and he agrees with every other doctor i've talked to that an MRI isn't
necessary. and that Physical Therapy exercise really isn't going to do anything
for me. Chiropractic adjustment won't really do anything either, other than just
help manage the symptoms. Injections won't help either.

it makes me want to cry - wait, i did cry. it makes me want to kick and scream and hit things - wait, i did kick and scream and hit things. it makes me want to jump in front of a truck - at least not yet.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

and do you know how hard it's going to be to get my insurance to pay for a
podiatrist? it might just be to my time/headache advantage to just pay for it
myself, which is just what that bastard HMO wants anyways.

it's so fucking frustrating.

oh, and also looking at my L-5/S-1 joint he said that there's some fawcet ebriqium (sp?).

it feels like i've been sentenced to at least another 6-12 months of back pain. no fire spinning, no softball, no tennis, no helping people carry shit, no sitting for more than 30 minutes without discomfort, no interstate car trips.

hope is a fucking dinosaur.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

More Sox-Yanks

For those of you who aren't baseball fans, Boston's 'Curse' allegedly began when they traded Babe Ruth to the Yankees for cash.

Here's the cover of the NY Post . Click on Click to Enlarge button under the print version of the front page.

Hope is like a cockroach

So, anonymous, in the comments section below asked "What happened to 'My hope is like a cockroach.'"

Funny he should ask about Hope.

Cubs fans and Red Sox fans epitomize 'Hope is like a cockroach.'

Every year, they say, despite overwhelming historical evidence to the contrary, 'this is the year. I mean the odds are in our favor. What's the probablility of going 87 (or 97) years without a championship? So, this is going to be our year. Right? Right?'

And the Red Sox, playing the Yankees, again, this year, their hated nemesis, the older, more successful, better looking brother. Who just happens to have won 26 championships in the same 86 year time span, has them pinned to the metaphorical mat, up 3 games to nothing in a best of 7 series. And older bro dominating his brother, has a lugey he's letting slowly gravity down to his long-suffering little brother's face.

It bears mentioning that no baseball team has ever come back from 3 games down to force a game 7. Cue Christ Tucker voice: Ever, ever, ever.

And, so, lil bro suddenly twists turns rumbles grunts and flips the situation. Boston comes back last night to tie things up 3-3.

Here's where hope and the expectation of failure come back in and tie a nice bow and where those of you who hate sports or don't really understand and think that it might be the oddest characteristic of any burner to be this into sports, well, this is where it all comes back to hope.

From the Sports Guy, my favorite read on the internet.

The Schilling Game (6)

"So what happens Wednesday night? I'm probably the wrong person to ask. I haven't slept in four days. My back feels like Schilling rammed his protective shoe against it. Even my jaw is sore -- from chewing gum like a madman during Game 5. The classic move would be for the Sox to come back, win three games in a row, then lose the climactic 7th game. But this isn't a classic Red Sox team. The old Red Sox would have blown Game 4 or Game 5, and they definitely would have choked in Game 6..."

Me: Note the expectation of failure, The Other Shoe to Drop feeling of undeserved success or impending doom. What I like to call the Outside Dog in the House feeling: You're thrilled as fuck to be in the house. It's warm. It's cozy. It's not raining on you, the humans are being nice to you. It can't possibly last. The people are either going to realize that a) you don't belong inside and throw you quickly back into the yard or b) you're going to be bathed and then quickly thrown back into the yard or c) they're about to cut your balls off. if they haven't already. Anyways, this is what success or being happy is like for me.

Back to the Sports Guy: "Here's the point: Those things haven't been happening. Sometimes you pass a point where history becomes a factor -- like with the Patriots three years ago, when the diehards kept waiting for the Other Shoe to drop, and we were waiting and waiting, and suddenly Vinatieri's final kick split the uprights, the most liberating feeling you can imagine. That's the thing about baggage as a sports fan -- you can shed this stuff. You just need a few breaks. This Boston team is getting them..."

Me: More hope like a cockroach. If they do lose tonight, you can bet the emotional pendulum will have swung all the way back around. Look at the hope of a lifechanging event in the next couple of paragraphs:

SG: "1. In less than 24 hours, you could be hearing someone say the following sentence: "So the Red Sox completed the most dramatic comeback in baseball history rallying from three games to zero to defeat the New York Yankees and make the World Series, where they'll be facing off against Roger Clemens and the Houston Astros in Game 1.

2. If the roles were reversed, Red Sox Nation would be having a collective coronary right now. Repeat: Coronary. I can't imagine what New York is like...... "

OK, back to pretending to work. No compromises, yo. Because this time, this move, this job, things are really going to change.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Suicide Tuesday

Fucking suicide Tuesday. I didn’t even get that high on Saturday. (I think.) And now, it’s all rainy Portland gloomy outside my office. (LA sidenote: stretch limo outside the Ralph’s supermarket.) I’m writing headlines for UCLA Andersn’s business school. The previous ad said, “No comprmises.” I’m leaving out letters because I don’t want any of this to show up on Google. So, it seems like I’m just writing nonsense headlines. Ever feel like your career wasn’t really going anywhere? Shit on a stick.
But I did meet some really cool folks this weekend, and I’ll be seeing ‘em again sometime soon. It’s not all heated pools and yak. So, back to work. BoSox-Yanks in 45 minutes. Chex mix on the table. See, we’re the overpriveleged upper-middle-class white people. ‘Nuff bitching boy. Get back out there.

Slate: Kerry ahead

"Analysis Oct. 19: Bush's average national margin narrows; several polls now suggest a tie. Latest polls give Kerry 284 electoral votes, but a more complete Slate analysis later today will assign Florida to Bush, New Mexico to Kerry, and one Maine EV to Bush, leaving Kerry with 276."

Here.

Put it in play - a very bad choice

As someone who's made quite a few really bad choices in my life, I think of myself as a bit of an expert. Take the formula - (My idiot friends and self + drugs) x Heavy machinery/Free and you can understand why this weekend is indeed a bad choice.

Thanks to Kelly and Monique from Ground Zero for the invite. I think.

Put it in play from Toyota. Car dodgeball, capture the flag, etc. Jesus.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Jon Stewart deplores Crossfire

iFilm clip from Jon Stewart's appearance on Crossfire. In which, he calls one of 'em a 'dick'. Also, that their show isn't 'bad', but it's 'hurting America.'

Slightly uncomfortable, truth be told.

Side note: No more drinking and drugs on Sunday. Ugh.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

flawed polls

Interesting article on the flawed nature of national polls. Seems that celphones are never called, and therefore, only people stupid enough to pick up there landline when it says Caller ID Unknown are being polled.

That means about everybody that reads this will never be participating in a Gallup poll.

Even though it's Arianna sayin' it.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Friday, pt. II

Bored and useless. Wasting time. However, no bay to sit by, Otis, my man. (really oblique two in one reference, sorry. Again, i'm useless today.)

I've nothing to wear for decompression. Need to go out and find some body paint, i suppose. No orange fur on hand. It'll have to be orange fur of the spirit.

The agency here does something really cool with prospective AE hires. After passing the first two interviews, a candidate has to do a presentation to the entire agency (usually just 5-6 AEs). The subject? Themselves. They've got to create a presentation that sells their self to the agency. Pretty smart idea, if you ask me.

One of the younger guys here just handed me the DVD of a commercial he created for himself. Let's see... A/V difficulties.

The girl I'm trying to pimp to the company I don't even know anything about. So, I just smile and say she rocks and then give whatever adjectives I think my colleagues would want to hear.

Friday, pt. I

Miscellaneous entries:

Drove by a film-developing place last night called '19 minute developing'. Why 19 minute? Was there a competitor that promises 20 minute developing? And if so, what does one do with the extra minute?

Ate at a rundown, Butterworth-type place last night called 'Ye Rustic Inn'. Half-decent wings, and 2 of the 3 waitresses had amazing behinds (pronounced 'bee-hinds'). It is Hollywood, after all. No celeb sightings whilst out, but I did see Jamie Lee Curtis at an outdoor patio in Beverly Hills yesterday. We could've gone to the Dresden, the bar from Swingers, but instead went to, shit, I can't remember the name. We had an Iron John type session talking about what we were doing wrong in our relationships. My friend Joel Thomas is bitter. If you ask nicely sometime, I'll tell you his 3 rules for a relationship. Not that those have been such a glowing success.

Slate has an electoral college scorecard here. It's not looking great, although Kerry is doing better than the previous scorecard. It increasingly looks like I'm applying for Spanish citizenship on November 3rd.

I made the intern here call the rental company and extend my rental yesterday. It's true, absolute power corrupts.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

badgerbadgerbadger

You know that movie The Ring?

This is kinda like that, except that you find yourself giggling for a week before everyone wishes to kill you just to shut you up.

BadgerBadgerBadger

you are

whatever you wish to be.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

LA Decompression

Come on down, across, or up, or just disorient yourself into this space and time.

Saturday. Downtown LA. Link Here.


"The Vault of Heaven re-visited. This is a journey into the center of the universe, a magical domain of insanity and fun. A tiny snip of imagination unleashed unto the streets of the city of angels... and you in the center of it, dancing, bouncing, playing with your fellow fun lovers… fire breathing clowns, dancing unicorn girls and a band of wild gypsies, burlesque sideshow, drumming cave men and stilt walking freaks. This is the carnival of your fantasies, the earthly heaven of your dreams. And this is YOUR invitation to play...

 2004's event is shaping up to be incredibly larger than last years. We're going to have more performers, more dj's, more artists, more domes, more madness, more fire performers, more, more, more..."

global sex survey

Nobody surveyed BRC, I see.

Right herre. Durex Global Sex Survey . Not sure how W.'s abstinence programs are working out. As if Jenna and (Mary Kate?) Bush aren't fucking there way through the Longhorns starting line-up. Do your part for America: Go out and see if all of these world stereotypes/Gallup-Kinsey results are true.

Effluvia: Jen Leo has a new book, "Whose Panties Are These", which may lend further insight into the survey above.

Description from Amazon: "Editorial Reviews
Book Description
The best travel stories often hatch when things go completely wrong, and this second title in a series of women's travel humor capitalizes on that phenomenon with more sidesplitting stories of female misadventure around the world. Readers laugh, cry, and commiserate with these women through their memorable mishaps such as gorging on Lebanese chicken to increase their breast size, battling tick paranoia in an Ozark campground, evading the demands of the Turkish mafia, getting even with a prank-fueled convention co-worker, and trolling for straight men in gay London. Showcasing every known type of travel blunder botch, stumble, and bumble, these rollicking stories come from all reaches of the globe and are told from a quintessentially female point of view."

LA Effluvium: I drove past the Flynt Publishing Building tonight... I have seen 2 celebrities - Burt Young aka Paulie from the Rocky movies, and Coach John Wooden of UCLA fame. The former showing paintings during an editorial house party, and the latter being wheeled in to get a burger at Islands... A friend down here is to be Kobe's accuser for Halloween. Concierge suit, TSAM hair gel on the face, etc... I have my Halloween in costume in mind, but it's really obscure, and basically just allows me to run around half naked at Lake Quinalt. If anyone can figure out how to be the Loch Ness Monster and spend the night in the lake, please let me know... I've gone all Tourette's (aka Modest Mouse Float On obessessed - see 5/1/4 archive) on the Music song Into The Night. And I'm making up my own lyrics and have no intentions of learning the real ones... One of the straight-laced young pup AEs told me I was strange today at the Wong Doody. Fucking sick of it. Me, I'm just me. Me.... You can take magnetic lettering of the agency name and twist it around to say Moody Dong... Much love to Chris and John Davis for putting me up over the past few nights. You can see pictures of their 2003 Burning Man art project here.

Hello, Insomnia, My Old Friend

First, blogging from a mac is just enough more difficult to make it a pain in the ass from freelance work. Apologies on the lack of torridity. (torpitude?)

I was forced tonight to watch 4 Weddings & A Funeral, in order to write headlines for ads pushing the DVD version of the movie. First, Hugh Grant makes bad things happen to my GI system. Second, Annie MacDowell is just awful. Third, well, I dunno, but it got me thinking again about Big Things. Which is interesting timing, and, perhaps, a bit trite and pathetic. But...

It seems like a chapter of my life is closing, and a new one is beginning. I remember when I use to think with such Hope & Optimisim in Change during such occasions. Moving was a joy, an adventure. "Everything Must Go. Anything is Possible." that actually was close to being a tattoo at one point.

I used to ask Big Questions. Kept a daily journal (Artists' Way - find yer own link). Thought the world was a place full of possibility and endless wonder.

Now I'm ok with the thought of a nice salary and online video games to pass the time. (XBox/Halo2 link goes here).

I doubt Big Answers will make their way to me over a nationwide video game platform. Perhaps I am wrong in this.

My friend Kate has been cursed/blessed/given/received epiphanies the past 2 years at Burning Man. Maybe it's her age; maybe it's her attitude. It's been rough on the poor girl (I love you Kate - whatever and whenever you need someone, i'm only a phone call or 2 hour flight away), but I still envy her these experiences and feelings. Isn't that what life's supposed to be like?

I'm hoping that the move down here, a new home, new routine, and most importantly, a health care plan that doesn't scare away doctors, can help change my outlook. A New Hope, if you will. (Star Wars DVD link goes here.)

Been listening to new CDs from The Music and The Open, both, unfortunately, import only. But downloaders can snag 'Just Want to Live' and 'Lost' from the Open, and 'Into the Night' and 'Fight the Feeling' from The Music from their friendly neighborhood peer2peer service. Incidentally, Ben Fong-Torres looks exactly like the singer from The Music.

Hmmm. Ranting in the middle of the night. Where the fuck are my sleeping pills. Ah, there they are.

In short, I'm looking for a hope that there's hope that there's hope. And that's three steps removed from Big Questions.

Remember a quote that hit me my first time around in Portland. In a book about child abuse (foster care? the damaged memory deceives) the dedication said, "In a dream you saw a way to survive, and were filled with joy."

I went back to Puddletown this weekend, and while waiting for Marc Sobier to pick me up and take me back to the airport, I realized that I'll miss it. I'll miss the people, the comfort, the townness, the ability to have conversations with people on the street. I'll miss all the things that I did and accomplished, and all of the things that might have been. And I'll feel a debt of gratitude to everyone in this little oasis of goodness, and feel bad that their joy didn't raise me higher. I'll wake at night to names I can't remember and haven't seen in forever and wonder what's become of you.

So, um, there.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

oustw.com

testing for the RSS feed.

meanwhile, visit http://oustw.com

oustw.com

testing for the RSS feed.

meanwhile, visit http://oustw.com