Friday, September 27, 2002

Î think about this every day of my life.

Yahoo! News - "Surreal" Life with Webster "Surreal" Life with Webster
Fri Sep 27, 5:15 PM ET

By Joal Ryan

Did you ever wonder what hijinks would ensue if Webster from Webster and Natalie from The Facts of Life became roomies?

Welcome to Chess for Success

'helping children succeed one move at a time'

SNL's not going to be funny anymore...

On Saturday night at 11:30, NBC is running "The Best of Will Ferrell" on "Saturday Night Live." I'm guessing we're getting skits like, "Get off the shed," "I drive a Dodge Stratus," "Neil Diamond: Storytellers," the Time-Life Thanksgiving commercial, the naked homeless model, the lovers, the cheerleaders, "Jeopardy," Dubya and the guy on the little motorized scooter in the department store. As long as we get the first four, I'm happy (and I'm sure I forgot at least one good one). Anyway, it's a momentous TV occasion ... just wanted to give you a heads-up.

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

just checked on the domain name ""

this is it: COLOMBIAN BULLET PROOF Miguel Caballero Ltda. is a society dedicated to the production, marketing and selling of specialized bullet-proof clothing, intended for government and private use, offering a costumized advise based on continuous researh on the needs of each user, in the national and foreign markets, according to the highest quality standards settled at a world wide level.

according to, famous vegetarians: Brad Pitt, Chelsea Clinton and Ozzy Osbourne (Ozzy changed his ways after eating that live bat). The singer Meat Loaf is a vegetarian.

Drama In The Desert

10mg quicktime movie of Burning Man.

I am obsessed? A little. But I wish everyone could experience the same joy i felt there.

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

I saw this 'breaking news' this morning on ESPN. it was running in type underneath a story about how Boston's play-off hopes are barely alive. The Boston story had, i'm not making this up, an EKG reading going that would start and stop during the highlights of the game.

To paraphrase a Japanese friend of mine, 'it was most unfortunate.' (Which is an incredibly cool way of describing things, especially useful for teenagers. It was 'most unfortunate that your car was totaled when i borrowed it without your permission.' it allows everyone to save face, y'know.)

Yahoo! Sports: NFL - Hall of Fame center Mike Webster dies of heart attack

AP Sports Writer
September 24, 2002

PITTSBURGH (AP) -- Mike Webster, the Hall of Fame center who helped the Pittsburgh Steelers win four Super Bowls and whose life spiraled into drug use and homelessness after he retired, died Tuesday at age 50. Webster died in the coronary care unit at Allegheny General Hospital, but the hospital did not announce a cause of death.

Monday, September 23, 2002

and i don't told her, "I ain't gonna sing the blues no more..."

Sunday, September 22, 2002

while other squirrels are gathering nuts for the coming winter, I'm doing research on light boxes.

this might be the worst designed web page in the history of the world.

if i could choose currently living people to have dinner with, one would be Maureen Dowd. i wonder if she and Richard Ashcroft would get along.

Culture War With B-2's As my girlfriend Dana said: "Bush is like the guy who reserves a hotel room and then asks you to the prom."

Love this phrase: Zook's honeymoon was over before he even kissed the bride.

UF 30 - UT 13

Friday, September 20, 2002 | get your war on | page thirteen

Right! Whereas Dick Cheney? He's not trying to impress me. He's just minding his business. And that's why he will be the last man walking the scorched post-apocalyptic earth.

"God will fly down to pour the Gatorade on him."

Thursday, September 19, 2002

i've been doing it for years... no effect yet on the population, though.

Hey, hey it's Swedish Saturday porn. 5/9/2002. ABC News Online Hey, hey it's Swedish Saturday porn
A politician running for a seat in Sweden's parliament has called for pornography to be broadcast on television all-day every Saturday to help boost the population, and thereby the economy.
Teres Kirpikli, a Christian Democratic Party candidate, says pornography is the best way to get couples to have more sex and procreate.

She wants erotica and porn on television every Saturday, all day, so people would feel like having more sex.

But her proposal does not have the full backing of her party, with the head of the women's association saying she wants to abolish pornography altogether.

Wrestlemania is coming to Seattle! WWE has announced details for a press conference to be held next Tuesday, September 24, in Seattle, WA.

The event will take place at 10am (local time) at the Experience Music Project at the Seattle Center.? Just about every single major star presently active in WWE is scheduled to be there, including Eric Bischoff, Stephanie McMahon, and Vince McMahon.
As previously discussed, it is widely expected that the event will mark the official announcement that Seattle has won the rights to host WrestleMania next year.? [The press release about the event, as I received it, was even named "WM19 Advisory.doc".]

huh, as Dennis Rodman said to Marv Albert shortly after his bust, "I guess there's a little freak in all of us, huh Marv?"

Manawolf's Furry Lifestyle urry Sex

For me, an integral part of furriness is sexuality. While there are many myriad facets to furry fandom that are nonsexual, sexuality is nontheless an undeniable part of it. Most furries find tails, muzzles, whiskers, paws, and the like to be desperately attractive physical traits, while at the same time they are not attracted to bona fide animals. Being desireable and enviable physical traits to start out with, it is inevitable and indeed natural that a sexual expression and appreciation of these traits should come about.

RONNIE JAMES DIO Speaks Out On "Widespread Abuse" Of "Devil's Horns" Hand
Sign - May 22, 2002

Ronnie James Dio, the man widely credited for pioneering the "devil's horns"
hand sign, recently spoke to Kerrang! about the "widespread abuse of his
creation" amongst pop folk and people who flash the sign without knowing the
meaning behind it.

"It's all right as long as it's accepted for what it was," Dio told
the magazine. "It was a more serious thing at the time, when I was with

That was a band that was very dark, and that's what I wanted it to be. It
was symbol of the darkness of that band, and not something to be passed on
to BRITNEY SPEARS! An invention is an invention, I guess. It's become so
damn polluted now. The people who are doing it don't know what it means and
they have no idea that they shouldn't be doing it.

"It's a trend," Dio added. "It's a popular trend and so it will
probably become like the hula hoop. During a show, I sometimes think
'Maybe I won't do that tonight', because it's become so damn ludicrous now.

Everyone's doing it and it has no meaning anymore. Now I wait until two or
three songs into the show, and until there's a stop in the music and I'm
doing something on my own, and then the response is incredible because
people are wanting that from me. It's like OZZY and the peace sign, you
know? So I never find myself not doing it, but I'm definitely doing it less
and less these days.

"The point is that you can't just flash it. You have to a face that
goes with it. There has to be some emotion behind it. It can't just be the
raising of the arm, trying to get your fingers in the right position. And
you'll notice that a lot of people are using the thumb now, too. When the
thumb comes out it means 'I love you' either in Hawaiian or in sign language
- I'm not sure which! So that's proof, once again, that these celebrities
don't really have a clue. As stupid as this might sound, I never once did
that on stage unless it was to punctuate something that was a little more
dark. So when I did it, it was never about starting a trend. It's a natural
thing for me to do. It's important to know that it's not something I did
frivolously it was just a spontaneous response to something that I sang. A
lot of times, bending of the knees always puts it in a slightly different
perspective. It puts you in the Sumo position. Now you're ready to charge!"

Ah, even The Sports Guy's readers are funny or I need to find some paramedic friends Things you may not have known
Rian Kirkman of Los Angeles: "I think I've discovered the 'dork' anti-venom for your reader whose 'buddy' suggested they go to Hoover Dam during a Las Vegas bachelor party. A friend of mine goes to Vegas every year with a group of friends. One guy is a paramedic. He packs a suitcase full of IV's. They get bombed at night, and in the morning, each guy hooks himself up to a drip. After about 30 minutes, the hangover is gone, and you're ready to start up again with the morning bloody marys.

"I really don't know what do do with this information. I'm in awe, scared and jealous ... all at the same time. I haven't felt this odd combination of emotions since I first watched the original 'Brian's Song.' I think this guy should quit the paramedic gig and just open up shop in Vegas next to the oxygen bars."

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

Yahoo! Sports: NCAAF - Fulmer says Florida-Tennessee less annoying without Spurrier

in other shocking news, there's no peace in the middle east.

from the Burning-Man-PDX mailing list:

Never wrestle with a pig; you both get dirty and the pig likes it.
- Thomas Scoville

Take your protein pills and put your helmet on...

Monday, September 16, 2002

John Philip Sousa: "Jazz will endure as long as peopole hear it through their feet instead of their brains."

Sunday, September 15, 2002

flip flop flyin'

my, um, friend Dana loves the Young Ones. here they are in minipop form.

Friday, September 13, 2002

Here's to life and to living more, and to being sensitive and to caring and giving and to being yourself, and most importantly, to you King Dele. - Dele lived life the right way: his way Dele lived life the right way: his way
By Sam Smith
Special to
Everyone has a favorite Bison Dele story. He is one of those guys you have favorite stories about. There are not too many people like that, though I never could call him Bison. Brian Williams was fine with me.

He played briefly for the Chicago Bulls during their fifth championship season in 1996-97. The NBA's peculiar salary cap rules prevented the Bulls from offering Williams a substantial contract, and I was a little surprised he moved on to the Detroit Pistons for more than $50 million over seven years.

Money never seemed to matter much to Williams, who was one of the most generous athletes I've ever encountered. Also, one of the few. He routinely would give his playoff share, by that time more than $100,000, to ballboys or clubhouse attendants. Like his teammate that season in Chicago, the equally unconventional Dennis Rodman, Williams seemed to relate better with the staff around the team rather than the players themselves. Whereas Rodman was unusually shy, especially for an exhibitionist, Williams was different.

Former Pistons forward/center Bison Dele ran to a different beat in the NBA.Basketball defines him the least. Even during his playing days, he was an adventurer and outdoorsman. He rejected the nightclubs and women chasing so common among pro athletes for individual experiences, from running with the bulls (the real tough ones) in Pamplona to hang gliding or skin diving. It is perhaps why the big rumor about Williams early in his NBA career was that he was gay. However, as the characters said in the old Jerry Seinfeld show, "not that it's a bad thing." NBA players just didn't know what to make of Williams, although when he was reported missing this week, it was with his latest girlfriend.

It will be a tragedy if Williams is lost, as his family seems to fear. Though it will be a greater loss because it is Brian Williams. There are just so few like him. Basketball may not need more like him, but society does.

In his two seasons in Detroit, Williams drove head coach Doug Collins to distraction, but he played well for the Pistons, averaging 16.2 points and 8.9 rebounds his first season. At 6-foot-11 and 260 pounds, he was a classic post man. He is left-handed -- no surprise there -- in shooting and behavior. And he's strong. His move to the basket was almost unstoppable, especially with NBA players unaccustomed to seeing the shot coming from the left hand. But, not surprisingly, Williams didn't care for Detroit.

Not to live around the Great Lakes is not to understand. It's not only the snow and cold. One can go weeks without seeing the sun. Brian Williams' life was lived in sunshine.

So this is what he did: He purchased a gigantic fish tank -- the size of one wall -- for his home. He loaded it with all sorts of tropical fish and then got himself some snorkeling gear. After practice, Williams would go home and stick his head in the tank and imagine he was snorkeling in the South Pacific. He'd come to practices and tell his teammates about his adventures in his tank and how it took him out of feeling of being locked in the Midwestern winter.

Sometimes there was a practiced intellectualism with Williams that seemed affected. It occasionally distanced him from teammates. But he always made you smile. He was sensitive to snubs, and even good natured lampooning in the media often produced a hurt look and a request for an explanation. You always felt badly when you made fun of him, which was too easy to do.

And the NBA lockout probably ended his basketball career.

Williams had played through a few injury-plagued seasons in Orlando, then began to blossom in Denver and then with the Clippers. His success in L.A. earned him his shot with the Bulls after holding out most of the season and a big contract with the Pistons. He proved he could make it, and that really was enough.

The NBA sat out until January of 1999. Eight months away from the game, Williams came back Bison Dele, a combination of names to recognize his heritage and desire. He'd began practicing a religion, though I never was sure which one it was. He played through that 50-game season with a pretty good Pistons team that narrowly lost its opening-round playoff series to Atlanta. But that long time off apparently was too much. Williams never really seemed to like basketball that much. Like a lot of big men, he played because it was expected. But his loves were elsewhere. The difference was Williams had the resolve to pursue them. He didn't follow the pack; he didn't do what was socially acceptable. He was torn because he desired acceptance, but he never really sought it.

So he went to the Pistons and said he was retiring. They begged him to stay. They needed him. They also owed him more than $30 million. He said he didn't want it.

He could have hung around and collected the money. But that didn't matter to him. It was happiness, exploration, adventure -- squeezing every experience out of life and giving.

He could have feigned injury. But he'd had enough in his career. He could have hung around and collected the money. But that didn't matter to him. It was happiness, exploration, adventure -- squeezing every experience out of life and giving.

Pistons oldtimers remember the time the longtime basketball secretary was leaving. The team asked players to contribute $100 each toward a gift, and most of them did. Williams invited the secretary to his home and cooked her a gourmet dinner, then handed her an envelope and wished her well. It contained $10,000. He gave Collins and team executives Christmas gifts, and Collins later said in several decades in basketball he'd never known players to give coaches and general managers holiday gifts. And it wasn't a tie. He had crystal sculptures made of the Pistons' horse logo.

Though when you asked about Williams, the most frequently used adjective was "flaky." There is an ethic and generally accepted behavior in professional sports, and Williams didn't fit any category.

He left the Pistons and then someone heard he was running a water treatment plant in Beirut. And then he was buying a Catamaran and sailing the Pacific. Family members believe it is where his life may have ended at age 33. But I wouldn't be surprised to find out someday he'd become a king on a remote South Seas island. It's just what he might choose to do next. And I'll always smile when I think about Brian.

Sam Smith, who covers the NBA for the Chicago Tribune, writes a weekly column for

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

Sadly SatireWire will no longer be updating. This is not a joke.

SatireWire | Employee-Slapping Widespread, Effective

magellan is back.

i love this colulmn and i love Andrew W.K. and i love you, dear reader. News: Well Hung at Dawn 13:32
To help shore up our moral constitution at a festival crowd that just gets younger every year -- maybe it's us! -- we're instituting the Well Hung at Dawn "three zit test." It's a very simple rule -- if she has three zits or more, she's too young to ogle.

Then again, the English are particularly spotty. Better make it five. And speaking of ogling, we've just now learned of the British male teenagers' fave new pastime: Thongspotting.

Andrew W.K. screws up our timing by taking the stage early. We almost miss our favorite song, the one about the party. By the time we get into the heart of the crowd, beer, water and bog roll are flying everywhere. You'd think these campground kids would want to hold onto the latter.

"She is beautiful! She is beautiful! She is beautiful!" That song makes us want to play video games.

It's been said before, but we don't mind repeating someone else's line: You can't spell "RAWK" without Andrew W.K. He dances like Jarvis, thrashes like Mercyful Fate and is generally the antidote to all things Bizkit. As the man himself says, "It's not stupid, it's not corny. Life goes by too quick, we're gonna have some fun . . . now let me ask you all a question: Are you happy? Are you happy?!" Fuck yeah! Andrew W.K. is the spirit of Reading. Andrew W.K. is God.