Thursday, October 31, 2002

I don't usually blog someone else's blog (now, columns, that's a different matter). but hey, it's the original Jewboy himself's birthday:

Blogcritics: A birthday for the Texas Jewboy A birthday for the Texas Jewboy
Kinky Friedman was born October 31, 1944. Happy number 58! Yee-haw!
You have to love this guy just even as a force of personality. He's a songwriter, singer & novelist. He's a high brow Heb and a good ol' boy. He writes them sensitive country ballads, and that groovy smart-ass Jewish sarcasm. The Texan and the Hebrew parts of his background make a fine combination. Note that this makes him double bred for kickin' ass.
Which gets us to his signature song, "They Ain't Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore." He wrote a perfect hook laden honky tonk country bar room sing-a-long the equal of anything by Ernest Tubb or even Merle Haggard, except that the lyrics run a slightly different direction than what the usual clientele of such songs would be able to make much sense of:
No, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore,
We don't turn the other cheek the way we done before.
You could hear that honky holler as he hit that hardwood floor
"Lord, they sho' ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore!"

You can buy his book "How to Lose Friends & Irritate People" at your better

this is cool.

Hip Hop Posters -
Hip Hop Poster Collection

The following is a collection of some of the hottest Hip Hop posters available online.? We've teamed up with to bring you the lowest poster prices online. To view enlarged posters and ordering information, simply click on any poster image below.

Removable gold teeth and vampire fangs - Bridgeport International What are removable caps?

Removable caps are caps that are individually customized to your mouth.? The caps slip over your existing teeth, completely covering the original tooth.? This gives the impression you have permanent silver, gold, or platinum teeth.? What's nice, however, is that you can insert the caps and remove them as you wish.

We design the caps to fit your exact mouth by taking what's known as an impression of your mouth.? When you order our " Starter Kit", you'll also receive a "mouth mold impression kit". This kit contains materials that will allow you to make an impression of your teeth.? You then send the impression back to us and our lab crafts your caps to the mold.? The finished product results in caps that fit perfectly....they will not fall or slip out. They will only come out when you willingly remove them.

My knowledge of celebrity deaths has improved threefold since i got the internet at work.

Yahoo! News - Jam Master Jay Shot Dead Jam Master Jay Shot Dead
Thu Oct 31,12:55 AM ET

By Marcus Errico

Jam Master Jay, the turntable wizard behind iconic hip-hopsters Run-D.M.C., was gunned down in his New York recording studio Wednesday night, according to the trio's Website. Gators "I don't think they've ever won the SEC, have they?" asked Florida guard Shannon Snell, who was told it last happened in 1982.

"Well, I was born in 1982," he said.

It's the 'World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party' weekend. Gators GAINESVILLE -- Bryan Savelio thought he had seen it all, growing up in Las Vegas. That was, until his first experience with the Florida-Georgia rivalry last October.

This was more exciting than The Strip.

Savelio's eyes bulged as Florida's team bus rumbled over one of Jacksonville's many bridges and toward Alltel Stadium. What the defensive tackle saw was a spectacular sea of colors: orange, blue, red and black.

Soon, he could begin to make out the faces of some fans. How passionate, he thought, for these people to be lined along the road.

He noticed a pack of Georgia supporters.

"There were old people, young people and little kids," Savelio recalled. "They were standing by the side of the road. I thought, 'What fun!'

"And then all they gave us the finger."

Wednesday, October 30, 2002

tunak is a genius in the same way that 'Yatta' is genius. only without irony.

TUNAK TUNAK TAN! i have one thing to say:


click this link. watch that movie. you'll need realplayer, and a fast connection helps.

your life will be changed. you will dance. you will dance like you've never danced in your life. daler mehndi is one of india's biggest pop stars, or so i found out just recently. this video is one of those things that people pass around to their friends on the internet, and No-Nothing Rock! is here to pass it on to you. TUNAK TUANK TAN is a close five minutes of non-stop fun, genius, and amazement.

daler (dollar, $) mehndi is sheer brilliance, just check out his website it's just more proof as to why he is great. daler is my hero. if i could dance like daler i would never leave the dance floor. if i could sing like daler, i'd never let go of the microphone. if i was as photogenic as daler, i'd always be in front of the camera. i am not one of these things. daler is them all.

if i drank, i'd drink to daler.

if i cried, it would be because i feel for daler's problems.

if i was happy, it's beacuse daler is happy.

if i was sad, it's because daler is sad.

wait, wait, wait - there's more.

Wit and Wisdom The Dwayne F. Schneider

Joke Of The Week

(New Joke ! And it's a quick one.)


An Irishman Walks Past a Bar.

(think about it)


eh, yeah!

The Official Dwayne F. Schneider Web Site The Official Dwayne F. Schneider Website

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

Ah, Florida, home of many, many TGI Friday's. College Sports For the first time since 1989, when Florida State opened with two losses and Galen Hall was in his final days at Florida, both schools have slunk out of the top 15.

This isn't just distressing. It's a statewide crisis. This great state might bungle elections, rank with the worst in schools and lead the nation in crime. But for more than a decade, exporting the nation's best college football to the country was a given. And now look. Or don't look.

Monday, October 28, 2002

Hey, my friend Jane Wright not only wrote a song about me, but put it on an actual CD.

I'm a muse!

10. Miguel
A ballad about the memories of a friend who was leaving.

from Jane Wright This talented artist has just released her second CD. Entitled "Southern Songs & Ballads", this work is an intimate portrait of this soulful artist's life.

Stripped-down to the bare essentials instrumentally, "Southern Songs & Ballads" utilizes acoustic guitar, voice, drums, acoustic piano and melodica. The majority of the songs were recorded live and first takes, adding a quality of authenticity to the recordings.

The songs chosen for this CD specifically held a southern feel that worked well together. They were also chosen to highlight the softer qualities of the voice. Yatta! Lyrics Yatta! Lyrics (English Translation)

As part of our ongoing Yatta! fascination and coverage, we're gathering more and more goodies from those fig leaf-wearing singers. So, here we present the complete Yatta! lyrics submitted by a listener.?

YATTA! (All right!)/Happa-tai (Leaf Team)?
Released April 18, 2001

G R Double-E N Leaves
G R Double-E N Leaves

It's so easy! Happy-go-lucky!
We are the world! We did it!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! (Unh!)

All right! All right!
We're doin' great in college!
All right! All right!
Made president at our jobs!
Long as we've one leaf on, we're doin' fine! Hey, we're lucky just 'cause we're alive!

All right! All right!
We've been confirmed for the prize!
All right! All right!
We're representing Japan!
We're so healthy, it just makes ya sick!
Everybody say "All right!"

Japan's got crises (but)
Tomorrow's wonderful
Even if somebody's mean to us, we just go to bed and
Snore! Snore! Snore! Snore! Pass! Pass! Pass! Pass! (Good morniiiiing!)

All right! All right!
We got nine hours of sleep!
All right! All right!
Woke up and jumped outta bed
What kinda great things might await us now? Hey, we're lucky just 'cause we're alive!

All right! All right!
If there's a change in you
All right! All right!
Then the whole world will change too.
Getting through it unhurt's the best of all. Just stand up straight because it feels greeeaat!!

I drink water that's tasty! (All right!)
I get in the sun and feel toasty! (All right!)
Havin' a belly laugh's fun! (All right! All right!)
Try keeping dogs--they're cute! (All right!)


As we brushed past each other, you favored me with a smile.
It's okay if we never meet again. I'm lucky you were here just for a while!

We've got recession these goverment we've no faith.
Could we hit "reset," that'd be number one! And since we're all here, it's just so much fun!

All right! All right!
In university class
All right! All right!
We've got a movie star!
Long as we've one leaf on, we're doin' fine! We're all together, it's a happy time!

All right! All right!
Long as we still can breathe in...
All right! All right!
Long as we still can breathe out...
We're so healthy, it just makes ya sick!
Everybody say "All right!"



I actually put down the video games and got out of the house this weekend. went here. NOTE: not my summary.

Latourell Falls Summary:
This is another of my favorite falls along the Columbia Gorge, maybe because this is the first falls that I saw on my first trip to the gorge when I was 8. You can see the falls from the road on the bridge across the creek, the trail to the base of the falls, of a viewpoint above the parking lot. Although this fall becomes less impressive with lower water levels, it usually stays like it is in the picture above for most of the early summer.? If you are ever in the area, this is one of a hand-full you can't pass up.

Thursday, October 24, 2002

I bet George Will never comments on wrestling, but I do. - The WORST in Wrestling is Here! WrestleCrap is dedicated to giving you, the TRUE pro wrestling fan, nothing but the VERY WORST of pro wrestling. We update each and every week, making sure we've left no bad gimmick or lame angle forgotten. Each week, we will revisit moments that wrestling promoters would like you to forget....but we ain't letting them off the hook THAT easy!

So here ya go, this week's heapin' helpin' of WrestleCrap!

From the you won't ever see a story about 'knife-throwing sniper claims twelfth victim' file... - Sources: Rifle found in suspects' car - Oct. 24, 2002

The letter believed to have been left by the sniper near the scene of a shooting Saturday night at a Ponderosa restaurant in Ashland, Virginia, appeared to include Jamaican colloquialisms, sources said. Drawn on the page of the letter were five stars, and some investigators thought that was a reference to a Jamaican band. The letter contained the phrase "word is bond," which appears in the lyrics of one of the band's songs. Moose echoed those words during a news conference.

I love the way that last part is phrased. Word is *my* bond.

Tuesday, October 22, 2002

Today is count the number of white vans and box trucks you see day. And then imagine what it would be like spending the next 8 months forced to live indoors. Oh, wait. Never mind. - Page2 - Rambling thoughts of a TV junkie

Few things are more depressing than a stripper with no self-confidence.

word of the day, lovely like arpeggios

A rapid slide through a series of consecutive tones in a scalelike passage.

Friday, October 18, 2002

I fucking love the BurningMan-PDX mailing list:

from Brian Moran:

Amen. A lil' story: As we prepared to launch a tofu
dog high over the 90 degree plaza on the back of a
C11-5 model rocket engine, the question was posed,
"What do we say if the rangers come?", to which mon
frere Addison replies, "Tell 'em I didn't come to
Burning Man to do what THEY want to do!"

Want to participate? Participate. Want to organize?
Organize. Want to bitch? Bitch. Want to party?

Me, I'll be out shooting wieners.

Saw a shirt last night on a guy at the gas station:

"Because Jail Sucks 1-800-988-9776"

Something Bondsman and something.

Thursday, October 17, 2002

I bought and expensed Cheez-Whiz today. It was billable.

Cheez-Whiz Cheezy. And Darn Proud of It.Click here to cheezify your snack time treats!

#1 is true, but not necessarily relevant. kinda like my friend Dave referring to Spiderman as 'this movie about a photographer.'

The Official Ninja Webpage:  REAL Ultimate Power!!!!

Hi, this site is all about ninjas, REAL NINJAS.  This site is awesome.    My name is Robert and I can't stop thinking about ninjas.  These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.



1.    Ninjas are mammals.

2.    Ninjas fight ALL the time.

3.    The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

click on the bear's tummy... - F**K YOU!

eh, apparently the taste for llello runs in the family.

Gov. Jeb Bush's Daughter Sentenced Gov. Jeb Bush's Daughter Sentenced

Filed at 2:28 p.m. ET

ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) -- Gov. Jeb Bush's daughter was sentenced to 10 days in jail and led away in handcuffs Thursday after being accused of having crack cocaine in her shoe while in drug rehab.

Not so that you could throw lightswitch raves...


and then there's this siren thing? Welcome Speech

Bienvenidos a ...

It has been revealed that the Amish are now involved in a "Genetics Project" that will enable them to overcome some of the deficiencies that are a natural result of their chosen lifestyle. That being, small numbers, and the technological disadvantage. Using modern advances in genetic research, the Amish hope to "bridge the gap".
Amish Horse

there's a picture missing here, obviously. so, click on the link, bucko.

Seen above: This horse has been genetically altered to have many legs. The result is increased speed and power. The Amish have always suffered a disadvantage in the form of a "Speed Gap". This horse they hope will negate that disadvantage by enabling them to increase amount, speed and distance of delivery of troops and supplies. Can also be used as a weapon of war. Imagine being trampled by all those legs!

just one more thing to worry about in the WAR ON TERRORISM!


It has been revealed the Bin Laden is still running Al-Qaeda and may now be more powerful than ever. Our sources tell us that Bin Laden was indeed injured in the bombing campaign in Afghanistan. So severely, that without a very specialized surgery, he would have died. Bin Laden not only had the surgery but the type of surgery was thought to be impossible. Bin Laden's head was removed and is conducting operations on it's own.

Above: The head of Bin Laden survives in this glass jar attached to a transmitter.

Blogcritics: Eminem turns 30 Eminem turns 30
Marshall Bruce Mathers III alias "Slim Shady" alias "Eminem" was hatched 10-17-1972, making him 30 years old today.

Yeah, Mr. Mathers has issues. He has asked for most of the flak he's gotten. Carrying on about killing faggots just might earn you a spot of criticism.

Still, he's a sincere artist of considerable skill and vision. His best songs have strong hooks and something resembling melodic development. He expresses genuine and complex emotions. In short, he's real- and there's far too little realness in music today.

Nonetheless, he needs to be thinking about getting some new material. A 30 year old man still bitching about Mommy ain't cutting it. Sounds faggy, frankly. As OK Go puts it in the jam of the year, "Get Over It."

Plus, autobiography as the basis of your art in general becomes very limiting and repetitive very fast. If any y'all gets to talk to him, direct him to Walter Rimler's book on songwriters whose work has stood the test of time, Not Fade Away. It'd do him a world of good.

from Cousin Brant...

I've successfully avoided by only having a celphone, albeit one sans m-life, and with a droopy antenna....

anti-telemarketing EGBG counterscript The Direct Marketing sector regards the telephone as one of its most successful tools. Consumers experience telemarketing from a completely different point of view: more than 92% perceive commercial telephone calls as a violation of privacy.
Telemarketers make use of a telescript - a guideline for a telephone conversation. This script creates an imbalance in the conversation between the marketer and the consumer. It is this imbalance, most of all, that makes telemarketing successful. The EGBG Counterscript attempts to redress that balance.

Good luck!

Wednesday, October 16, 2002

from Cindy...

Hi there:

Just wanted to let you know that October is officially Breast Cancer Month.

Go to the Cigna web site and click on the pink ribbon. Cigna will donate
$1.00 to fight breast cancer.

Only good during the month of October!

Pass it on!

Incidentally, I think the ribbon for prostate cancer should be brown.

Tuesday, October 15, 2002


Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

And I put it all up my nose...

Welcome to PARC - The Portland Area Radio Council - Your Radio Marketing Resource - Portland Radio Stations


The Portland Area Radio Council (PARC)   again presented a $1,000 cash prize to the creator of the Best Radio Spot in  the 2001.   Rosey Awards Celebration.The Rosey Awards are sponsored by the Portland Advertising Federation.  

At the September 9, 2002 program, the winning writer was Miguel Caballero, of JohnsonSheen Advertising, for his commerical, for the Association of Portland Progress.  

2440-RisingWater.gif 200x150 pixels

my friend sends this to me saying how beautiful it is. we need to change his meds.

Today is a 5 lbs. of monkey crap in a 3 lb. bag kinda day.


Oh, we hired a 'creative' intern. He's wearing Dockers and a dress shirt that's tucked in with a belt.

E*Pro Eric: Well, it looks like I won't have to be mounting anything for a while.

9, no 8! planets.

Pluto's Plight Now, in the latest blow, astronomers reported last week that they have found another dirty ice ball, about half the size of Pluto, that actually behaves more like a planet than Pluto does, with a circular orbit. The newly discovered Quaoar (pronounced KWAH-o-ar) lies among a multitude of small bodies in a region known as the Kuiper Belt that reflects the solar system as it was before tiny pieces of matter coalesced into bigger planets.

Astronomers predict that they will find up to 10 similar objects in the Kuiper Belt that are as large as or larger than Pluto. So unless we want to add 10 more planets to the elementary-school curriculum, we would be wise to downgrade Pluto to the distant iceball it is.

Sunday, October 13, 2002

A Piazza Perspective on War and Bush ( My friend Phil has a theory that the Lord, having made teenagers, felt constrained to make amends and so created the golden retriever.

Thomas Friedman

Personally, I'm glad Mr. Bush is focused on disarming Iraq's madman and tracing Iraq's Scud missiles and weapons of mass destruction. It's a worthy project. I just wish he were equally focused on disarming America's madmen, and supporting laws that would make it easier to trace their .223-caliber bullets and their weapons of individual destruction. A lot of us would like to see more weapons inspectors on the streets here, and in the gun shops here, not just in Baghdad.

Friday, October 11, 2002 - Page2 - You can quote me on this Just when they think they got all the answers, I change the questions."
-- Roddy Piper


Revolving-Door Monsters So this is not evidence of scandalous conduct or egregious misjudgment. This is not like a politician being found, as former Gov. Edwin Edwards of Louisiana put it, in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.

Writers People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them that I have the heart of a small boy--and I keep it in a jar on my desk.
--Stephen King

Apocalypse Wow Presents... ROCKSTARS AGAINST THE WAR
* * * * * * * * * *
war is unsexy
bush is a moron
protests can be fun
* * * * * * * * * *

rockstar transportation leaves October 26 for DC

we are going to charter a bus to the march in DC on the 26, marching as "Rock Stars Against the War" in elvis suits and gladiator costumes.
we're having daily meetings and handing out hilarious flyers with stuff from "Get your war on" (
all are invited to come to DC and/or help us flyer and promote this in nyc!

Thursday, October 10, 2002



make your own damn joke. - Safe sex with a twist - Oct. 10, 2002 Safe sex with a twist

Thursday, October 10, 2002 Posted: 1:35 PM EDT (1735 GMT)

Australian scientists have discovered lemon juice to be an effective contraceptive.

CANBERRA, Australia (Reuters) -- Australian scientists believe they have rediscovered an effective use for lemon juice -- as a contraceptive and also a killer of the AIDS virus.

Reproductive physiologist Roger Short, from the University of Melbourne's obstetrics department, said a few drops of lemon juice can be a cheap, easy-to-use solution to protect women from both HIV and pregnancy.

The juice should be squeezed onto a piece of sponge or cotton wool and placed into the vagina before sex, he said.

"We can show in the lab that lemon juice is very effective in immobilizing human sperm and also very effective in killing HIV," Short told Australian Broadcasting Corp. television in a science program.

He said lime juice, which has similar acid levels, can also be used, with both fruits often freely available in poor countries where contraception is hard to come by.

Short said laboratory tests found not only does lemon juice kill sperm, it also kills the AIDS virus itself.'s Stewart Mandel: Border complex - Thursday October 10, 2002 04:43 PM with the 'Horns hiring away Wilkinson protege Darrell Royal, who promptly won eight straight against the Sooners (the first one allegedly made Royal so emotional he retreated to the back of the locker room afterward to vomit), and OU responding with Barry Switzer, whose dominance helped drive Royal to retirement. (Before their final meeting in 1976, President Gerald Ford walked the tunnel with the two coaches; an intoxicated Sooner fan was heard to shout, "Who are the two a--holes with Switzer?") - Page2 - Mailbag: My big, fat nightmare (By the way, everyone should work in a restaurant for at least six months. Aspiring writers always e-mail me for advice, and I never know what to tell them. Well, I'm telling you this: Work in a bar or a restaurant. Learn about people, get up at noon every day, go to bed at 4 a.m. every night, hang out with people who are just as confused and directionless as you are, drink and smoke as much as possible, throw wads of money around after shifts like you're a drug dealer, date somebody with no long-term potential, and live like that for six months. It will be the best thing you ever did.)

egads, sounds like my job.

Just got an invite to the following event:

Every year the Great Pumkin rises from the pumpkin patch to spread joy
candy to all the little boys and girls,
...this year we'll be waiting for the mother fucker.
When: Sunday, October 13th, carpooling at noon.
Where: Meeting at Chez WopnRat in Hillsboro- traveling to the quarry at givernment camp.
Why: To shoot pumpkins and Halloween related crap.
What do I need to bring?: Ammo, thrift store Halloween crap, and
If people Email me with guns, I can post the types of ammo to get.
Personally, I will be bring guns that thake the following:
45 auto
7.62mm (SKS)
300 Winchester Magnum
12 guage rounds (not too many as we usually have an over abundance- and people don't shoot it as much)

Call Evil Rob Dagoboom at 503-XXX-XXXX for details.

And remember guns don't kill people, but they sure do help a lot.

Wednesday, October 09, 2002

Eh, shit. This stuff is a lot funnier than anything I come up with. Please ignore the previous 3 posts. That is all.

I'm a pirate. Are you? I'm a pirate.

I am better than your kids. I am better than your kids.

If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with a person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. In fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty to judge art work done by other kids on the internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece:

Megan, age 4 First of all, I don't even know what this is. If it's supposed to be a dog, then it's the shittiest dog I've ever seen. F

fire up your blog, it's internet humor.

More crappy children's art work. More crappy children's art work

The premise: I can draw better, spell better, and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty to judge art work done by other kids on the internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece:

from J. Richards morning show email via KEXP

Jimmy Eat World makes me want to just beat the living hell out of them. I
love the Donnas though. Something about the Donnas makes me want to cook
up a big ol pan of bacon and only cook it half way and then eat the bacon
with my bare hands right out of the pan and then wash it down by pouring
the hot grease down my throat. But most of the grease won't go down my
throat, it will pour down my shirt and on to the floor. I'll then get on
my hands and knees and lick that grease up but there will be cathair and
dust balls and stuff stuck in the grease so I'll have to lick those up as
well. Jesus. I think I'm going to throw up.

still looking into the Gene Frenkel mystery.

topten Top Ten Reasons To Be A LOLA!
Back Home
10. There's nothing like a good 'ole fashioned Friday night sash rippin'!
9.? Gene Frenkle is always yours to date.
8.? There's always a song just for you.
7.? Access to dirty foreign words (jk! jk!)
6.? Expert training in stabbing people in the jugular with forks!
5.? Cowbells can cure any illness.
4.? Selective hearing...what?!?...your mama, huh?!?
3.? Your best friend Rita will always be there to hand you 'dem bags'
2.? Wouldn't you like to know?!?
1.? "Whatever LOLA wants, LOLA gets!"

a fansite...Will Ferrell Greatest Moments You will note that I have no George W. Bush sketches on this list, and very few from 2000 or after. George W. Bush, I feel, is incredibly limiting to a man of Will's talents and range, and I think it's a shame that he will be most remembered for playing the president. He basically carried the show for 2 or 3 years, and did far more hilarious and innovative characters before he played Bush. I also only used one occurrence of a recurring character, such as Celebrity Jeopardy only showing up once on the list. If it was a very popular recurring sketch, I only picked the best one of the bunch. And as for more recent sketches, I feel that everything he does now he has done before on SNL. You can't be on the show for 6 years and not repeat mannerisms and characters. So while I feel he is still the funniest one on the show, I also prefer to honor his earlier SNL stuff, when he was more unknown and less established. Furthermore, I really feel you need to see a sketch two or three times before you can judge its place in history, and as I have seen his more recent work once or twice, I don't think it has passed the test of time yet. Who knows, I may make some changes to this list down the road.

Behind The Music: Blue Oyster Cult

Gene Frenkle: Can I just say one thing? I'm standing here, staring at Bruce Dickinson! And if Bruce Dickinson wants more cowbell, we should probably give him more cowbell! And, Bobby, you are right - I am being selfish. But the last time I checked, we don't have a lot of songs that feature the cowbell.

Bruce Dickinson: I gotta have more cowbell, baby!

Tuesday, October 08, 2002

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

Sufferware - Your source for BDSM and Chastity stuff Featured Items in the Bad Taste Bears category:

Bad Bear toys. Really odd.

wow, how much do you think these fuckers are holding out for? unbelievable. oh well, off to

Simpson Weather Associates Simpson Weather Associates (SWA), founded in the
mid-1970s, is a small, privately owned company of
meteorological and environmental scientists and technicians
located in Charlottesville, Virginia.

Hmmmmmm. 'Schrodinger's Credit Card' might've been a bit of an oblique reference for all 4 of you readers out there, except Cousin Brant.

So, here's a brief explan. Of particular importance (get it? get it?!) is the second paragraph.

Schrodinger's cat - a whatis definition Schrodinger's cat

Schrodinger's cat is a famous illustration of the principle in quantum theory of superposition, proposed by Erwin Schrodinger in 1935. Schrodinger's cat serves to demonstrate the apparent conflict between what quantum theory tells us is true about the nature and behavior of matter on the microscopic level and what we observe to be true about the nature and behavior of matter on the macroscopic level.

First, we have a living cat and place it in a thick lead box. At this stage, there is no question that the cat is alive. We then throw in a vial of cyanide and seal the box. We do not know if the cat is alive or if it has broken the cyanide capsule and died. Since we do not know, the cat is both dead and alive, according to quantum law, in a superposition of states. It is only when we break open the box and learn the condition of the cat that the superposition is lost, and the cat becomes one or the other (dead or alive).

We know that superposition actually occurs at the subatomic level, because there are observable effects of interference, in which a single particle is demonstrated to be in multiple locations simultaneously. What that fact implies about the nature of reality on the observable level (cats, for example, as opposed to electrons) is one of the stickiest areas of quantum physics. Schrodinger himself said, later in life, that he wished he had never met that cat.

later in that page, it has a link to well, here: For a lighter look, see "Schrodinger's Cat: Fun Quantum Physics Experiments You Can Do In Your Spare Time!"

Um, anyone know where I could purchase some cyanide?

Shit, I hope none of you are in the TIPS program.

Schrodinger's Credit Card?

So, I received a new credit card in the mail from MBNA. It wasn't one of those pre-approved crack cocaine cards that they send to college students, but a replacement card for my MBNA which expires in June of next year.

Strange thing is, it's a "Quantum" card. It was a little translucent, which is where I guess they invoke Stephen Hawking.

On the phone with the csrep, she tells me that they've gone ahead and 'upgraded' me from my Platinum Visa. Apparently, Quantum is above Platinum which is above Gold. Just more creeping Supersize-ism in our culture. Btw, who would pull out a Gold Card on a date anymore?

Anyway, they've also 'gone ahead' and 'expanded my credit line', which i didn't think was possible without a supercomputer, a particle accelerator and a slide rule.

She tells me the number, and now I realize that in addition to invoking quantum physics to make the card, now they've used scientific notation to describe my credit limit. Anyone know what 7 x 10 to the 12th is? I'm pretty sure I could buy the Montreal Expos with my new Quantum card.

Aw, damn. I should've asked the rep if she new what a quantum was. Ah, well.

I already have an American Express Blue card which hopefully, is still sitting in a drawer somewhere at home along with my Malibu Grand Prix 'Driver's License'.

Here's infononsense from

Translucent Cards and now the first translucent VISA and MasterCard is here. MBNA received this week its first shipment of its translucent Quantum VISA/MasterCard to distribute to new customers.

Last month, MBNA introduced the Quantum bank credit card offering a credit line up to $1 million and with an optional air mileage program that enables cardholders to earn up to one million miles per year.

I just got a new credit card today...

MBNA Quantum - Login

Monday, October 07, 2002

Hey, remember "He Hate Me" from the XFL?

Here's some Jesus Hate Me merchandise.

I have a large variety of fine merchandise to offer. If you think of a new design that I should offer, please contact me. If I like it, I will have it made so others can appreciate a good idea.

Jesus Bathes

I think I've decided in favor of this all being an elaborate hoax. Redneck Neighbor Yes, you are reading that correctly. Taxes can be a good thing. Apparently JD8's pigs were annoying somebody else in the neighborhood and I'm guessing a phone call or two were made. Probably because the pigs were free to roam the neighborhood. I took most of the pig pictures in my front yard.

To make this short - as I pulled into my driveway today, I noticed the fine folks of our city's animal control department fetching some pigs. It took them a while but being the professionals they are, they got the job done. - I didn't realize pigs could run that fast.

while talking to Glen, the nicest guy in the world, I told him about an ad campaign to reduce teen pregnancy that we suggested to the public school board here. It was the 'lick it, don't stick it' campagin slogan. The school board was not amused.

Students Tested for Tobacco Use
The Associated Press
Oct 7 2002 2:31PM
VESTAVIA HILLS, Ala. (AP) - Breath mints won't cut it anymore for students who have been smoking in the bathroom - some schools around the country are administering urine tests to teenagers to find out whether they hav e been using tobacco.

Opponents say such testing violates students' rights and can keep them out of the extracurricular activities they need to stay on track. But some advocates say smoking in the boys' room is a ticket to more serious drug use.

``Some addicted drug users look back to cigarettes as the start of it all,'' said Jeff McAlpin, director of marketing for EDPM, a Birmingham drug-testing company.

XXXX nope, my drug use started independent of cigarettes. i think it was actually house music that led to my drug use. are there urine tests for that?

here's the original.

Hands on the Bad One, Showbox Nabs Suspected Molester at Sleater-Kinney Show, by Amy Jenniges (10/03/02)

Pitchfork: Daily Music News Sleater-Kinney Masturbator Arrested In Seattle
Indiscreetly beat meat to "One Beat"

Ray Suzuki reports:
According to a report in Seattle alternative weekly The Stranger, a 40-year-old man with a penchant for masturbating and exposing himself at area indie-rock shows-- Sleater-Kinney shows, in particular-- was arrested at Sleater-Kinney's Showbox gig on September 29th after being caught, uh, red-handed by a sting operation coordinated by Showbox security, a private investigator, and Stranger reporter Amy Jenniges. According to the Stranger report, Auburn, WA resident Hyon Kim was fingered-- better make that identified-- by Jenniges shortly before the show and surruptitiously monitored by security as he allegedly put 'all hands on the bad one' and rubbed suggestively against the asses of two female fans immediately in front of him.

Now the Fork is no stranger to blatant wanking at indie-rock shows, but it's usually kept on stage, and it's usually the figurative variety. Unfortunately for the young women who happened to park themselves in front of Kim-- who according to Jenniges wears oversized shirts and loose, unzipped pants to conceal his wanton ministrations-- the alleged Sleater-Kinney Masturbator could not be apprehended until he actually commenced shanking the frank. "The guy was apparently well-behaved during the opening bands," Jenniges reports, "[through] the Quails' rock set and Shannon Wright's melodic show." So not only is this guy Seattle's premiere alleged indie-rock show masturbator, he's a snobby indie-rock show masturbator who will only choke his chicken to certain bands! Classic! (In a completely disgusting sort of way, of course.)

Jenniges has been tracking the Sleater-Kinney Masturbator since last December, when he allegedly rubbed against the journalist in a similar fashion, but was ignored. At this June's Capitol Hill Block Party Kim was arrested and charged on two counts of assault for similar antics during Sleater-Kinney's set. Despite the arrest, Kim has reportedly been spotted at other Seattle music events since, "doing the same thing with his dick," according to Jenniges.

.: Pitchfork Review: Sleater-Kinney: One Beat
.: Pitchfork Review: Sleater-Kinney: All Hands on the Bad One
.: Pitchfork News: Sleater-Kinney Taking Requests on Fall Tour
.: Sleater-Kinney:
.: The Stranger:

On the same label as the elephants orchestra, your one stop shopping center for quirky teenage Vonnegut fans.

and, hey, did you ever hear or read Vonnegut's commencement address? it was awesome

Mulatta Records homepage Kurt Vonnegut / Dave Soldier

Ice-9 Ballads

Newly released this is a collaboration between Kurt Vonnegut, who wrote the words and narrates, and composer Dave Soldier.

Ice-9 Ballads are nine songs adapted from Vonnegut's novel, Cat's Cradle.

Untitled . Ramona, a 7-year-old elephant in Indonesia, also learned the harmonica. Pratida plays gongs with enthusiasm, and Phong, a young male, rescued from the streets of Bangkok, especially enjoys banging the xylophone.

Rescued from the streets of Bangkok? I'm going to have to call Butter and see what he knows about young elephants wandering the streets.

Elephant expressionists Just as with human artists, each elephant has his own distinctive style with an emotional quality as well. For instance, Nom Chak, a young male will paint only if he can use a house brush and doesn't stop until the whole canvas is covered. Pratida, whose name means "princess", makes diagonal lines with slow, deliberate strokes and never paints in the top two corners. Khang always uses vertical strokes and prefers reds, blues and greens with a touch of silver or gold. Some elephants paint with slow, deliberate concentration while Arum, a 29-year-old elephant in Indonesia, paints so vigorously that he sometimes upsets his easel. It has been noted that elephants with pasts of abuse sometimes express themselves in a more boisterous manner, perhaps releasing hostility. Sometimes colors in elephant art seem to reflect the elephant's surroundings such as grass or a trainer's clothing.

BBC News | ENTERTAINMENT | Thais trumpet elephant stars Thailand has produced a band of five musical elephants who will release a recording of their debut track next year.

Sanit Homnan, the centre's deputy head, said the elephants had been trained to play a percussion instrument, xylophones and a harmonica.

Mr Homnan said that the centre had received a favourable response from the company to the elephants' demo tape.
(If a bunch of elephants came up to you and *asked* you to listen to their demo, wouldn't you respond favorably? I'm pretty sure this is how Creed got a record deal...)

Mr Homnan explained that the elephants currently worked very much as a team and were not quite up to doing solos.
(Same goes for Creed! (cheaposcity humor))

Friday, October 04, 2002

it's a bittersweet symphony, that's life.

dotmusic - Live review

Fri 20 Sep 2002 18:08
Gig played on: Wed 18 Sep 2002

He's a curious beast, the Sensitive Lad. From a distance he's indistinguishable from your regular lad, all bravado and cheap lager, still dressed in the white shirt he wears in the office. But give him a soul searching anthem and he's bellowing for the skies, hand on his heart, beer can aloft, tiny tear in his eye. He came into being when Weller swallowed the first bitter pill of rejection, and found his place in the high street with Oasis. But in this era of poncy Strokes and bloody nu-metal, he's lost, looking for direction.

Cue Richard Ashcroft, the patron saint of Sensitive Lad. He understands what it is to struggle with notions of masculinity and sensitivity. He knows that sometimes you're so in touch with your inner feelings that you can't spare the time to walk around someone in the street.

Yahoo! News - Boondocks

Aaron McGruder rocks.

"Dick Cheney reminds me of Skeletor."

Free Debt

not sure if this pop-up ad will come through, but it's titled 'Free Debt'.

to paraphrase Dorothy Parker, "And to think I've been paying for it all of these years."

Yahoo! News - L&P Ideaworks to Target Club-Drug Use in Calif. LOS ANGELES--To battle the rapidly increasing use of so-called "club drugs," the California Department of Alcohol and Drug Programs is preparing to launch an initiative aimed at 16-21-year-olds.

Lawrence & Ponder Ideaworks is working with the state on a campaign that will address the use of such drugs as Ecstasy, GHB, "Roofies" and acid, said agency president and creative director Lynda Lawrence. The Newport Beach, Calif., shop won the business following a review of undisclosed contenders.

L&P Ideaworks is currently working on naming the new program and developing a logo, and has also conducted focus-group research with the target audience.

XXXXXXXXX. That's the first focus group i'd ever wished i'd attend. Do you know how many hot young girls that do E would be in that group. Hot damn.

"They said to us, 'We're the DARE generation, don't Nancy Reagan us, don't "Just say no." ' Our strategy will be to get out the real facts about drugs," Lawrence said.

The effort comes amid evidence that club-drug use is on the rise and reaching a younger set of kids. A recent California Student Survey, for example, indicated that nearly 2 percent of seventh graders surveyed had used Ecstasy in the past six months. That number jumped to 5 percent among ninth graders and nearly 10 percent among 11th graders.

And what percentage of Burning Man attendees?

You can download bootleg mixes from here.

Such as Oasis are Gaye .


Eminem vs Wings
Without me / Silly Love Songs

But, the best is still A Stroke of Genius which was done by some chap named Freelance Hellraiser. Song of the year, by far.

The Onion | RIAA Sues Radio Stations For Giving Away Free Music LOS ANGELES - The Recording Industry Association of America filed a $7.1 billion lawsuit against the nation's radio stations Monday, accusing them of freely distributing copyrighted music.
Above: RIAA president Hilary Rosen and attorney Russell Frackman answer questions in a Los Angeles courthouse.
"It's criminal," RIAA president Hilary Rosen said. "Anyone at any time can simply turn on a radio and hear a copyrighted song. Making matters worse, these radio stations often play the best, catchiest song off the album over and over until people get sick of it. Where is the incentive for people to go out and buy the album?"

and the show ends with the glorious feeling that The Music's philosophy - of boundless self-belief, of the power of sound as catharsis and celebration - has really hit home.

sorta like 'Barney can be your friend too, if you just make believe him'.

Thursday, October 03, 2002

Bobble-heads expand overseas

Sports - USA TODAY
Bobble-heads expand overseas
Thu Oct 3, 7:42 AM ET

Michael Hiestand USA TODAY

America is famous for exporting its creativity.

But when Malcolm Alexander began pitching bobble-heads to sports marketers overseas, he found they literally couldn't figure out what he was talking about, although the jiggly 5-inch dolls had become one of the biggest fan draws in U.S. sports.

No wonder. Outside the USA, Alexander says, ballpark promotional giveaways are far less common and bobble-heads were unknown.

Not anymore. Alexander, whose Bellevue, Wash.,
company is the bobble-head market leader and has worked with nearly all U.S. major league sports teams, has just started producing bobble-heads for top pro soccer teams in Spain and England.

While Alexander's domestic sales are cooling, he says his July sales -- about 1.3 million dolls -- were up 300% from last year as foreign sales climb. They might constitute 40% of his business next year.

Alexander, an ex-Australian army major who specialized in counter-terrorism and served with U.N. forces in Iran and Iraq before marrying an American, isn't a career marketer.

Eek. Cut to Baghdad. A package arrives for Saddam. Aides open it to find a 5" tall Saddam, with beret just so , slim stomach and spiffy lieutenant's uniform. (that's his rank. i'm not making that up.) Pleased, they deliver it to his axisness himself along with an international 'par avion' envelope labeled 'For Sadams eyes only.'

Saddam, too, is pleased with the bobblehead Saddam. 'Where did we get this, where can we order more?'

His aides tell him from Bellevue, Washington.

'Like the crazy hospital?' he asks, confused.

No, very close to Microsoft's Headquarters, the aides explain.

Microsoft? Eh, I like them. Order 20 million, he says, 1 for each of his countrymen. And, he says, pausing for emphasis, i am so pleased with this gift that i will allow humanitarian aid to reach the Kurds and Shiites this month.

His aides tell him he is a wise and generous leader.

Oh, he adds, And distribute my, how do you call them? 'Bobbullheads in special 'happy meals' for the children. But please have the toys doused with VX and mustard gas first.

Orders are quickly followed.

Saddam remembers his note. Opening it, he detects an odd odor - it reminds him of his childhood home. Desert dust, and crayon. The note is folded at odd angles. He unravels it and reads:

Dear Sadam:

As soon as Rummy lets me, I'm going to kick your but.

-George Bush (the younger one that you haven't tried to kill yet).

ps do u know where Ossama is?

And war ensues...

ZOL - P Diddy To Host MTV Europe Music Awards

P Diddy was today announced as the host of the MTV Europe Music Awards in Barcelona on November 14, 2002.
The rapper/producer appeared at a press conference in London to announce his position as host, and spoke of his plans to make the event into a "three-day party". "I don't think it gets sexier than this - MTV, Barcelona, Diddy," he said.

Es una mentira, pufi! MTV, Barcelona, Diddy y un Imaginary Girl es mas sexi!

(miss you Dana, hope you're having fun).

This was forwarded on to me from a friend in Vegas...

My dearest Roy Uwe Ludwig Horn, my master of the impossible,

Ever since that first moment that I met you on the ocean liner, you have been the guiding light of my life. Though you've always worked beneath me, it is you who is truly my master. If, in magic, anything is possible, it is only through your love and tender touch that we could have discovered this.

I am still in awe in the goodness of your soul; everyday i wake up next to you is a day in heaven. even when we were wandering the streets of your Europe with nothing but a cheetah hidden in your hat (and what was that in your pants, my tiger?) i still felt as if i'd been blessed by the hand of God himself.

And even though we may be blackmailed into participating in this daily charade amidst the unwashed (i *told* you that nobody cared what you did to the kitties, but that young tomcats were trouble...), i still think of your body as manna from heaven.

Happy 58th Birthday, mein liebster Tiger,
Sieggy Bear

I still find Bison Dele, and his story, fascinating. - Paradise Lost In February 2000, Bison Dele and a friend were living along the coast of the Australian Outback, sleeping in the bed of a pick-up, spending their days backpacking and surfing and diving. This was the life Dele had dreamed of, away from the glamour and pressure of the NBA, free of statistical calculations of self-worth. He was out there, in a far-flung somewhere of his own choosing, with the curiosity to explore and the money to do it. In response to my asking for permission to visit him in the Outback to do a story about his life, Dele declined via e-mail: "Thanks for the interest," he wrote, "but a life lived is a life explained."

"I'm a troubled man," he says at one point. "I'm depressed by night and frustrated by day."

this should turn up in some film noir somewhere, if it hasn't already.

good lord, you go looking for eminem set to a rock beat, and this is what you find.

In this month's muzikkk mag there is also... a short piece saying about how "fun da mental" [of dexy's midnight runners vs public enemy fame] and mates were in trouble for going to an airport wearing t-shirts with "don't panic, I'm islamic" on them! their record company denies the claim, yet adds "though one of them was wearing 'bush is another word for c*nt' " t-shirt.

Wednesday, October 02, 2002

um, ok, maybe this one.

so far, my favorite. these are all short story starters. hell, mini-series starters.

I know it's narcissitic to send in photos of yourself, but is it unethical?

LOOK AT ME is a collection of found photos

These photos were either lost, forgotten, or thrown away. The images now are nameless, without connection to the people they show, or the photographer who took them. Maybe someone died and a relative threw away their photographs; maybe someone thought they were trash.

Some of the photos were found on the street. Some were stacked in a box, bought cheap at a flea market. Showing off or embarrassed, smug, sometimes happy, the people in these photos are strangers to us. They can't help but be interesting, as stories with only an introduction.

The LOOK AT ME project started with a few photos found in a Paris street in 1998.
Hopefully, the collection will grow.

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

the funniest thing you'll read today: - Page2 - Sodom, Gomorrah and the UFC

Quick interjection: I'm not saying that the UFC is for everyone. In boxing, you might see somebody get knocked out and you might see blood ... in the UFC, you will definitely see somebody get knocked out and you will definitely see blood. You also may endure at least one knockout that leaves you uneasy and uncomfortable afterward, like seeing a sex scene involving Tony Soprano's sister, but worse. Just know that going in. These guys aren't playing around.

NPR : Burning Man

middle-aged liberals camp at the Man next year...

Future programs, said executive director Candace Mallard, probably will include topics such as inappropriate touching and what to do if you find a gun in the house.

Powell's Books - Get Your War on by David Rees

Available November 2002

Get Your War on
by David Rees

More About this Book
Publisher Comments:
Combining the wit of Doonesbury, the profane wisdom of South Park, and the office drone anxieties of Dilbert with the current-events-skewering savvy of Tom Tomorrow, Get Your War On critiques the government?s ambiguous war on terrorism to reveal a surprisingly wide spectrum of public opinion. Since the strip?s initial appearance, Rees?s working stiffs have lambasted everything from the anthrax scare and the Enron debacle to the Office for Homeland Security and the Palestinian-Israeli conflict, bravely giving voice to a grieving, angry, and confused citizenry. Rees?s popular website,, has received over 8 million hits and has been featured in The New York Times, The Times (London), and LA Weekly, and royalties from this book will be donated to landmine relief efforts in Afghanistan.


W. is a blessing to black humour and irony. in honor of Mindy Cohn and the Facts of Life, here's a special edition of
Get Your War On goes to Baghdad.

from my friend Glen...

"The number of people who discover Moore's Law doubles every 18 months."

Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.