KNEEL! You have reached GeneralZod.net

Zod on "Job Hunting"

Lately I have been hearing complaints from many of you humans about how bad "the economy" is and how you cannot find "jobs". Have you already forgotten that your only "job" is to kneel before me and obey my rule? Apparently so, and for this, I shall kill many of you. But for those of you whom I allow to live, I will prove to you that these "jobs" you desire are easy to obtain if you are an intelligent being, and that the only blame for not acquiring them lies within yourselves.

I did some research on these "jobs" and discovered that the first thing one needs to do is create what is called a "resume".

Jordans Place "Video games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us when we were kids, everyone would be running around in darkened rooms, munching on magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
- Davey Whipwreck

Republicans to elect Senate leader from 'Slightly less racist state'.

Frist's bid to replace Lott picks up support - Friday, 12/20/02

My prom dates name was lynn thompson...

COLDSTEEL.COM 1-800-255-4716

LYNN C. THOMPSON

President,

Cold Steel, Inc.

Lynn Thompson, President of Cold Steel® Knives has taken the African Big Five and Dangerous Seven with an iron sighted handgun.

African Big Five:

Elephant, Rhinoceros, Cape Buffalo, Lion, Leopard

Dangerous Seven:

Elephant, Rhinoceros, Cape Buffalo, Lion, Leopard, Hippopotamus, Crocodile

I tried to scalp Kenny G. tickets last night. Couldn't give them away. The following is a line from a review of the New Order box set. I do not want it for Christmas...

Reviews

Here's the model for every insouciant, aspirational gang who've wanted to transcen their roots while staying true to them.

have i ever talked about this Burning Man thing? it's pretty fun.

Core77 Articles: Sally Slevin - Burning Man Designed for Smooth Sailing or Rough Seas at Burning Man

by Sally Slevin

Rising out of the Black Rock Desert at Burning Man appears a 40-foot long Spanish galleon. Without a drop of water within hundreds of miles and sitting silently on the desert playa, I?m reminded of a present day scene from ?Mad Max?.

Instead of a story about the Road Warrior though, this is a story of how an engineer designed a half-scale, historically accurate Spanish galleon so that it could be built in less than six months.

More detailed proposals...

Lower Manhattan - Information to Build On

Plans for Ground Zero Unveiled None of that dampened the enthusiasm of many people who saw the designs yesterday. At the conclusion of the first presentation, by Mr. Libeskind, a round of applause from the assembled audience of government officials, family members of Sept. 11 victims and residents of Lower Manhattan rose to a roar.

Aesthetically, I really like the Libeskind project, but having only one tower really limits the idea. I like the idea of the slurry walls and having a park at the base where there would be no shadows on 9/11 at 8:56am.

I love the 'voids' in the Foster project. The towers I might learn to like more.

The Meier project looks like a fence. That's horrible. The glowing facade at night is a wonderful idea.

The THINK idea has that gorgeous laticework...

United Architects has an odd look to it, but i like how they've considered light, and the memorial park at the top is wo nderful.

Are the last two even trying to win? Their presentations show a limited imagination.

The United Architects movie is both cheesy and wondrous.

The New York Times - WTC New Design Interactive Site

santa con 2002 Sippin' on Jaeger and whiskey cokes from flasks, and after hogging a whole pitcher of Pabst, Santa Mish got a little spunky. Somebody gave her mistletoe, and Santa Mish became Kissin' Santa. Ho ho ho! She scampered about the streets giving friendly smooches to anybody she could outrun. "Mind if I kiss your boyfriend?" seems to be a pretty good line. Try it sometime! Unfortunately, one lady wanted in on the action, and when Santa Mish tried to give her a peck on the cheek, she in turn got a tongue rammed down her throat. Ewwwwww! Santa Mish can definitely say with certainty that she's straight as an arrow.

santa con 2002 above, santas are dismayed to discover that hung far low is closed...damn! so much for tokyo teas or other yummy cock...(who blacked out the tails?) so instead, we went to the magic garden...sorry, no pics allowed at nudie clubs. the dancers enjoyed the goodwill bin toys we scavenged, though they may have preferred cash tips..

Lou is, a woman. Or so i'm told.

Borders teamed with Amazon.com "Women are like golf courses," writes sex educator Lou Paget. "Even though you may have played a course a hundred times, chances are your approach shot rarely lands in the same place on the green."

I have nightmares that this kind of thing happens. But it's funny to see it happen to somebody else.

Quarterback suspended for oversleeping exam The Florida State football team's disappointing 2002 season took another bizarre turn Tuesday when school officials suspended starting quarterback Chris Rix for the team's upcoming Sugar Bowl game because of academic reasons.

Rix said he accidentally "slept through" an early-morning final exam late last week, causing the suspension to be put in place. Student-athletes at Florida's state universities are prohibited from playing in the postseason if they fail to take any of their final examinations.

Bush Ordering Limited Missile Shield
"Missile Shield Will Protect America From 9/11-Like Attacks" Says President

SatireWire-like headlines today

"Lott to give equal time to separate appearances on BET, WET."

Esquire:Sedaris:Jesus Shaves Jesus Shaves
"He nice, the Jesus. He make the good things, and on the Easter we be sad because somebody makes him dead today."

A heartwarming Christmas story about how stupid Holland's Christmas traditions are.

Esquire:Sedaris:Six to Eight Black Men While our Santa flies on a sled, Saint Nicholas arrives by boat and then transfers to a white horse. The event is televised, and great crowds gather at the waterfront to greet him. I'm not sure if there's a set date, but he generally docks in late November and spends a few weeks hanging out and asking people what they want.

"Is it just him alone?" I asked. "Or does he come with some backup?"

Oscar's English was close to perfect, but he seemed thrown by a term normally reserved for police reinforcement.

"Helpers," I said. "Does he have any elves?"

Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, but I couldn't help but feel personally insulted when Oscar denounced the very idea as grotesque and unrealistic. "Elves," he said. "They're just so silly."

The words silly and unrealistic were redefined when I learned that Saint Nicholas travels with what was consistently described as "six to eight black men." I asked several Dutch people to narrow it down, but none of them could give me an exact number. It was always "six to eight," which seems strange, seeing as they've had hundreds of years to get a decent count.

The six to eight black men were characterized as personal slaves until the mid-fifties, when the political climate changed and it was decided that instead of being slaves they were just good friends. I think history has proven that something usually comes between slavery and friendship, a period of time marked not by cookies and quiet times beside the fire but by bloodshed and mutual hostility. They have such violence in Holland, but rather than duking it out among themselves, Santa and his former slaves decided to take it out on the public. In the early years, if a child was naughty, Saint Nicholas and the six to eight black men would beat him with what Oscar described as "the small branch of a tree."

"A switch?"

"Yes," he said. "That's it. They'd kick him and beat him with a switch. Then, if the youngster was really bad, they'd put him in a sack and take him back to Spain."

"Saint Nicholas would kick you?"

"Well, not anymore," Oscar said. "Now he just pretends to kick you."

"And the six to eight black men?"

"Them, too."

He considered this to be progressive, but in a way I think it's almost more perverse than the original punishment. "I'm going to hurt you, but not really." How many times have we fallen for that line? The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain, old-fashioned fear. What kind of Santa spends his time pretending to kick people before stuffing them into a canvas sack? Then, of course, you've got the six to eight former slaves who could potentially go off at any moment. This, I think, is the greatest difference between us and the Dutch. While a certain segment of our population might be perfectly happy with the arrangement, if you told the average white American that six to eight nameless black men would be sneaking into his house in the middle of the night, he would barricade the doors and arm himself with whatever he could get his hands on.

"Six to eight, did you say?"

New profession for lonely physicists.

Living Under the Virtual Volcano of Video Games This Holiday Season And that, of course, is precisely what troubles critics of video games. A good number of the doors you walk through lead to mayhem of the worst kind, to what the Entertainment Software Rating Board, which rates each game, calls "Animated Blood" or "Gore" or "Strong Sexual Content." These are universes where no one dies a natural death, where limbs fly and heads erupt, and the women ? well-armed heroines, many of them ?are drawn by men who have mastered the art of what the industry calls "breast physics."

Finally, hardcore fans — or, in my case, nutty cranks — can reap endless delight from the "create a wrestler" mode, playing forgotten favorites or weird abominations. Buy the game and irritate friends who don't care about wrestling. You will surely enjoy it, and they will, too, if they ever get past their quasi-enlightened bourgeois scorn.

Online Onslaught, review of Smackdown: Just Bring It PS2 game

Created Characters: Making It All Better
As with all previous Smackdown incarnations, the shortcomings and irritations of the game can be overcome or ameliorated with the delights of the "created" wrestler. And the options for moves and attire are outstanding in this game.

I remember the first Smackdown game rewarding the player with the option of naming finishers. Smackdown2 took away the finisher-naming option, but it did allow you to come up with your own "yes" or "no" replies for interference requests or match options. The only thing to do with these replies was make them as horrendous as possible. I fondly recall that most seminal of characters, "Electric Sodomy," using these snappy rejoinders:
1. "I'm all lubed up!!!" (Yes)
2. "Not in my bungus!" (No)
I have no clue what responses we gave for "The Foreigner," "The Mongoloid," and "Mr. Thingy." Although I do remember that The Mongoloid was a crazed giant with a mohawk, heart-shaped glasses and a thong; and that "Mr. Thingy" had a skull for a face. But I digress....

Smackdown: Just Bring It, mistake that it was, reinstated the two-finisher option for wrestlers while adding many more moves and types of clothing. It also had great pre-created characters. I used one, rather perversely, who was a short, fat and bearded man in a gray jacket, hat and shorts. Somehow I got the idea to name him, "Enos von Hammer: The Sodo-Minister." The joke would have been much more (or maybe much less) puerile had I not given him the "Stunt-Rider Stretch" for a finisher. This move basically involves grabbing someone from behind, wrapping a leg around their waist, pulling their arms behind them, then thrusting forward with the pelvis. How wrestling — an activity already beset with a dubious heterosexuality — managed to produce a submission move best described as "The Sodomizer" I'll never know. Doubtless some Japanese fellow invented it... in a place thousands of miles away from American self-consciousness about enjoying large, underdressed men vigorously hugging one another on television. I also recall creating a demented islander named, "Otonwei, the Godless Savage," but he was much less fun because I couldn't find a finisher that shrunk heads or set people on fire.

For those whose imagination runs to the bizarre, like me, this game is a veritable cornucopia of strange. I ran to a religious bent while creating my characters, and the grappler, "Christ Jericho," was easy to make. Making someone look like Christ, in wrestling, is not terribly hard, what with wrestling's extensive predilection for long hair and long beards. I was also able to fit him out with raggedy pants and some sandals. Plus, his two finishers were easy: the "Judgment Slam" and "Christian Armlock." Other moves were easy, too, as the red mist was renamed, in my mind, "This Is My Blood," while the Frog Splash became, "This Is My Body." Christ was also prone to many bear hugs, as he embodied love.

The experiment in blasphemy broke down, as I realized that Christ really can't have much offense, and there aren't many options for solely reactive, defensive moves. In the end, he seemed to follow more of a "WWJND" path, as I began giving him moves that Jesus most certainly, if he had the choice, would not do.

fuck, i've got 2 more parties to go to.

Operation White Elephant went even better than expected.

I was the moderator, so I stopped the group before we began, "Oh, wait! I've got to go get my present." Brought the newspaper-wrapped Mormon baby photo in and held it up.

Gunilla the Swedish receptionist went for the baby blue bag.

whoohoooh!

Time for the White Elephant.

An appropriate name, if you've seen my present...

(insert your own rodent joke here)

Pat says she needs to do a body outline.

While I'm lying on the ground i say, "I always knew that I'd be lying beneath you with some kind of adhesive material in your hands."

Then The Mormon Girl comes up to Pat to pump her for clues.

Mormon Girl: You were sleeping with Buddy?
Pat: He's got the biggest penis I've ever had.
Me(aside): So does the Mormon Girl's husband, if you think about it.

Media girl looking at Pat taping: Can I help?

where's the Accounting Girl?



Mormon

Bushwick Bill (from Geto Boys, not the murder mystery): Some got killed in the past But this gangsta here was a smart one start living for the Lord so I last, And now all I gotta say to you wanna-be, ain't gonna be, pussy eatin', cock suckin' prankstas

theme music: Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

beer count: 3 1/2 PBR's.

btw, is Pabst White Ribbon cheaper?

it was the intern.

the Accountant who Pat says is a dominatrix walks into my office and acting says, "I can't believe you had an affair with my step-mom." Then she whips me with her scarf five times.

I am not making this up.

Oh, someone's just been beheaded...

Junior AE: If you're going to die, gimme all your money.

Me: Earn it.

OH, thank god, i'm dead.

but before i died, i revealed an important clue: a condom filled with coffee creamer.

Jim: It's been 25 years since i've seen that much Sleaze.

Sheen, as the mayor: Let me put it this way... I'm both a Democratic mayor and a Republican mayor, if you know what I mean...

I think the Mayor is gay. That's a plot point in this thing?

Swedish receptionist: Hi, Sly.

Swedish receptionist: Sly? Did you know that we fooled around once?

(I've got to stop drinking at lunch).

Me: Who are you again? Are you Rebecca's sister? (Who I'm supposed to be secretly married to).

Swedish: I'm her step-mom.

Me: That's really creepy.

Swedish receptionist:

Jim: Conviviality.

From Cousin Brant:

Four Deuces web page:

"The cream and not so cream of society will be here."

That would be milk, right?

Duplicity: Knowing that after last year's framed picture of me in a thong, that everyone will not want to open my White Elephant gift, I bought a nice gift bag at Daisy Kingdom and put the picture in there, along with a tape dispenser for weight.

Then I gave that gift to the Mormon to bring to the White Elephant. Then, I badly wrapped a picture of the Mormon and his baby in newspaper. I will ostentatiously bring it to the white elephant.

This'll be good.

(*JH

Meanwhile, I wrapped another framed photo

The Mormon girl just walked in, dancing to Hot in Herrrrrre. She's wearing a black wig, looking hot in the same way that the girl in Alias looks hot when she puts on a wig. (Maybe I have a wig fetish...) I asked if her husband had seen her in the wig. Might help them be fruitful and multiply.

Yea!

Pat just walked in: I'm poisoning you, you're going to die in about 45 minutes.

The inspector just revealed how Proctor was killed...

Figure out who killed Biggie and Tu, first, bitch!

I am getting so hot, I will take my clothes off...
Time to strip.

Proctor just got himself killed. That lucky bitch.

Prediction: Proctor is shit-faced by 3:30pm.

Proctor the quiet art director: Who wants to play 52 pick-up?

If I go and do a bunch of coke upstairs, can i claim that's part of my character?

Here are the perpetrators.

Murder at the Four Deuces Murder At The Four Deuces is a rip roaring 1920's murder mystery game with lots of murder, bribery and back stabbing to be had. Some of the guests will include gangsters, politicians, singers and gamblers.

Production Manager Jo: He wants a hand .... roll

Pat: My secret is that I AM NOT A WOMAN! Call me BARON!

(barren?)

Eazy-AE gets to gamble as part of his character.

Sheen: I've got a $100 for the first hit man to off me.

I'm supposed to be making eyes at the Accountant who Pat says probably is a dominatrix.

I lick my finger and rub my nipple. She makes a fake cat scratch motion.

Former Weiden Account Planner: Only 2 1/2 hours to go...

OK, sorry, i'm back. Had to blast a little "Hot in herrrrre."

The swedish receptionist just walked into my office

"Hi, (pause) Sly."

"Hi," trying to look at name tag. She thrusts out her boobs at me so i can better read her tag.

Yeah, it's gettin' hot in ...

OK acting. With the hot media freelance chick.

Her husband, the congressman, is having 2 affairs and doesn't think she knows. I looked at her and one of the adulterers, and said, 'well, I can see why, she has a nicer ass.'

She almost broke character, then paused, looked at the other woman, and said, 'No. I don't think so.'

The Mormon is on the tables. (Insert your own joke) "A note was found on A waiter, Peter,'

Sheen: Was that a waiter named Peter, or a waiter's peter?

Former Weiden Account Planner: This might be the dorkiest thing I've ever done.

When does the wife swapping begin?

The sheet gives me things to say, but nobodies allowed to see the sheet.

So, I just walked up to Pat and said, "Give me a blowjob, you dirty bitch." And then pointed at the sheet,

What you need to do (according to the sheet)

"Make sure you kiss the Capo's ring before you..."

that would be the Media Director.

"...Nut on his face."

I made that part up.

On my sheet:

"You know that Al Capone use (sic) to be a hit man for 'Toto' before he beat up an old woman and fell from the Capos graces. The Capo is ruthless, but he doesn't condone beating women, unless it's for a very good reason."

I was given important info and a bunch of monopoly money.

Is this our Christmas bonus?

I have to give it up to the Young AE who dressed up as 1989 Eazy-E.

The lights flickered, and a balloon popped.

Yikes!

I'm chock full of intrigue.

The Mormon, as an Inspector: Nobody goes anywhere, you stupid crap from craps.

OH NO! THERE'S BEEN A MURDER!

Nothing like seeing your sober co-workers acting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Oh, wait, there's a special announcement... 'We got special entertainment in from the Big City..." Oh, please shove a lit firecraacker up my ass...

I'm Sly Sleaze.

Sly runs the horse-sucking ring for Big Jim. He blah, blah, blah.

On the list of characters it says, "These guests may or may not be in attendance." Um...

It's set in the '20s. A gangland speakeasy murder type thingy. Young Al Capone is a character.

If only this could be A Sopranos Murder Mystery, it might have a shot.

The murder mystery party has begun.

the word of the day is keister...

Dictionary.com/keister keister

n : the fleshy part of the human body that you sit on [syn: buttocks, arse, butt, backside, bum, buns, can, fundament, hindquarters, hind end, posterior, prat, rear, rear end, rump, stern, seat, tail, tail end, tooshie, tush, bottom, behind, derriere, fanny, ass]

More wisdom:

The simplest lessons are the most true. And nothing is simpler than pro wrestling. So rather than thinking "What would Jesus do?" think, "What would Ric Flair do?" Instead of pondering, "What would Emmanuel Kant say about this situation?" ask yourself, "What object in this room would make the best weapon in a fight?"

All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned From Pro Wrestling

What wrestling tells us here is that foreigners, even if they seem friendly and harmless, are just waiting for an opportunity to take advantage of us. Clearly all foreigners are dangerous, but in different ways. Let's look at the lessons wrestling teaches about these vicious outsiders:

Canadians - Perhaps the most dangerous of all foreigners, the Canadians' greatest weapon is that they blend in with normal Americans. They pretend to be our friends and then they turn on us when our guard is down. It's difficult to tell the Canadians apart from Americans before it's too late, but here are a couple things to look for:

1. Canadians are frequently very attractive and have superb teeth.
2. Canadians tend to focus toward "scientific" wrestling, apparently not brave enough to engage in fisticuff-manship.
3. The best way to battle a Canadian is to beat them at their own devious game. Satisfy their overblown ego by convincing them that they will win the match. Then fix the fight. Take that, Canucky bastards!

Memorable Quotes from Office Space (1999) Peter Gibbons: When you come in on Monday and you're not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays?"

Lawrence: Shit, no man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked saying something like that, man.

Hindu Deities: Goddess Saraswati Saraswati is the Goddess of leaming, knowledge, and wisdom. The Sanskrit word sara means "essence" and swa means "self." Thus Saraswati means "the essence of the self." Saraswati is represented in Hindu mythology as the divine consort of Lord Brahma, the Creator of the universe. Since knowledge is necessary for creation, Saraswati symbolizes the creative power of Brahma. Goddess Saraswati is worshipped by all persons interested in knowledge, especially students, teachers, scholars, and scientists.

In Her popular images and pictures, Goddess Saraswati is generally depicted with four arms (some pictures may show only two arms), wearing a white sari and seated on a white lotus. She holds a book and a rosary in Her rear two hands, while the front two hands are engaged in the playing of a lute (veena). Her right leg is shown slightly pushing against Her left leg. She uses a swan as Her vehicle. There is a peacock by Her side gazing at Her. This symbolism illustrates the following spiritual ideas:

Hindu Deities: Lord Ganesha Lord Ganesha - the Hindu deity in a human form but with the head of an elephant - represents the power of the Supreme Being that removes obstacles and ensures success in human endeavors. For this reason, Hindus worship Ganesha first before beginning any religious, spiritual or worldly activity. In Hindu mythology, Lord Ganesha is the first son of Lord Shiva and the Divine Mother Parvati. Their second son is Lord Subramanya and their daughter is Jyoti. As explained below, the portrayal of Lord Ganesha as the blend of human and animal parts symbolizes the ideals of perfection as conceived by Hindu sages and illustrates some philosophical concepts of profound spiritual significance.
?

Give this a chance until about a minute in...

Danger! Electric Six video Electric Six's underground smash 'Danger! High Voltage' is finally released as a single on January 6.

Click on the link above to watch the video in full (real only)

Label mate and fellow Detroit resident Jack White from The White Stripes sings backing vocals on the track that was originally pencilled in for release earlier in the year but was delayed until 2003.

and repeat for the next 6 months:

Yahoo! Weather - Portland ADVERTISEMENT

Tonight: Light rain ending early. Remaining cloudy. Low near 40F. Winds S at 15 to 25 mph. Chance of rain 80%.

Tomorrow: Cloudy with intermittent rain or showers. High 48F. Winds SSE at 15 to 25 mph. Chance of rain 60%.

Tomorrow night: Overcast with showers. Becoming windy overnight. Low 44F. Winds SSE at 20 to 30 mph. Chance of rain 60%.

Thursday: Overcast with rain showers at times. Temperatures steady in the low 50s. Winds SSE at 20 to 30 mph. Chance of rain 50%.

Friday: Periods of light rain. Highs in the low 50s and lows in the low 40s.

Saturday: Mainly cloudy with rain. Highs in the low 50s and lows in the upper 30s

TPCN - Great Quotations (Quotes) To Inspire And Motivate You! - Statistics He used statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts; for support rather than illumination.

~ Andrew Lang ~

Budda is my co-pilot...

Cultivating the Empty Field; The Silent Illumination of Zen Master Hongzhi The Amazing Living Beings

Our house is a single field, clean, vast, and lustrous, clearly self-illuminated. When the spirit is vacant without conditions, when awareness is serene without cogitation, then buddhas and ancestors appear and disappear transforming the world. Amid living beings is the original place of nirvana. How amazing it is that all people have this but cannot polish it into bright clarity. In darkness unawakened, they make foolishness cover their wisdom.

One remembrance of illumination can break through and leap out of the dust of kalpas. Radiant and clear white, the single field cannot be diverted or altered. Solitary glory is deeply preserved, enduring throughout ancient and present times, as the merging of sameness and difference becomes the entire creation's mother.

This realm manifests the energy of the many thousands of beings, all appearances merely this field?s shadows. Truly embody this reality.

?

The Conduct of the Moon and Clouds

The consistent conduct of people of the Way is like the flowing clouds with no grasping mind, like the full moon reflecting universally, not confined anywhere, glistening within each of the ten thousand forms.

Dignified and upright, emerge and make contact with the variety of phenomena, unstained and unconfused. Function the same toward all others since all have the same substance as you. Language cannot transmit this, speculation cannot reach it. Leaping beyond the infinite and cutting off the dependent, be obliging without looking for merit.

Illumination Comes So Hard The streets lie, the sidewalks lie, everything lies. You can try and read it but you're gonna get it wrong...all wrong. The summer evenings burn and melt, and the nights glitter...but you're gonna get it wrong. And it's gonna sink its teeth into your flesh and pull you to the bottom

Illumination Comes So Hard Half of life is fucking up. The other half is dealing with it.

Illumination Comes So Hard Want a good body? Work at it. Want to be a success? Work at it. Wantt to be truly exceptional? Be a touch insane...You need a little bit of insanity to do great things.

for your gift-giving needs, the wisdom of Henry Rollins.

Illumination Comes So Hard There are so many hammocks to catch you if you fall, so many laws to keep you from experience. All these cities I have been in the last few weeks make me fully understand the cozy, stifling state in which most people pass through life. I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride. All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die. I don't want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow. I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun - hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks. People will walk by and say, "Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case." I will turn and say to them "It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job, cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn't even conceive. For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. For all of that. For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! The air talks to me! I am at all times!" And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.

"NEVER TRUST a fat man in a thin country" is an ancient Central Asian proverb of modern relevance.

"Never trust a tan man in Portland."

The Internet is a place where absolutely nothing happens. You need to take advantage of that.
Strong Bad email 51

Who knows maybe tomorrow...

You're the man, now, dog!

Shum things in hear don't react well to bullitch.

the Sports Guy, enjoy him while you can...

ESPN.com - Page2 - Ramblings from the Left Coast Thoughts while wondering if a sex scene between Carmela and Furio would be the most horrifying moment in TV history ...

Are you a big Pat Robertson fan?

Amazon.com recommendsAmazon.com: Books: Six Steps to Spiritual Revival

I'll have the political post d'jour, please.

A Lump of Coal From the President (washingtonpost.com) Much the same thing is happening in the armed services. Recruitment has not become easier since 9/11 -- another great difference from Pearl Harbor. The draft is long gone, and what was once a military reflective of the whole society is now made up largely of those with backgrounds that narrow their prospects and reduce their options. As my friend, columnist Mark Shields, pointed out recently, when Congress authorized the use of force in Iraq, not a single member of the House and only one senator had a son or daughter serving in the enlisted ranks of the armed services. And only three House members have children who are officers

A verbatim email from my friend the Blue-Haired Monkey:

The key to life is making two list:

1) possible ideas
2) available materials

What fits in your crack?

It's Dildo.

Jeff Turboff - Editor & Director - New York City

-"Pain is a closeup, happiness a wide shot." - author unkown


-"There are images I need to complete my own reality." - Jim Morrison

The Shaq-be-alidocious.
OrlandoSentinel.com: Basketball THIS DAY IN MAGIC HISTORY

Dec. 2, 1992: To begin his music career, Shaquille O'Neal ends The Arsenio Hall Show by rapping on stage with the group Fu-Schnickens. During his first appearance on the late-night show, Shaq also talked about how he was once attacked by a ceiling fan after stepping into a car dealership with a safari hat on his head.