All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned From Pro Wrestling

What wrestling tells us here is that foreigners, even if they seem friendly and harmless, are just waiting for an opportunity to take advantage of us. Clearly all foreigners are dangerous, but in different ways. Let's look at the lessons wrestling teaches about these vicious outsiders:

Canadians - Perhaps the most dangerous of all foreigners, the Canadians' greatest weapon is that they blend in with normal Americans. They pretend to be our friends and then they turn on us when our guard is down. It's difficult to tell the Canadians apart from Americans before it's too late, but here are a couple things to look for:

1. Canadians are frequently very attractive and have superb teeth.
2. Canadians tend to focus toward "scientific" wrestling, apparently not brave enough to engage in fisticuff-manship.
3. The best way to battle a Canadian is to beat them at their own devious game. Satisfy their overblown ego by convincing them that they will win the match. Then fix the fight. Take that, Canucky bastards!