had drinks last night with my erudite cousin Brant. He uses SAT words 24/7.

Anyway, we got into some weird riff about dating girls that were between the ages of 18-24. I said that a cool thing about dating a girl that was under 21 is that if you needed to get away from them, you could just run into a bar and they couldn't come after you. And if they were under 25, then you could just drive away from them and they couldn't rent a car to chase after you, or at least, they'd have to pay a lot extra to rent a car and chase after you. And then, you'd know that they really did indeed love you.

Added Cousin Brant: If they're under 18, you could just run into a voting booth.

UNDERWEAR

If anyone out there has seen any underwear labeled "Hanes Caballero" or perhaps "Caballero Hanes", could you please email me and let me retrieve them? They were limited edition. Or something.

also, lookie here at life in Korea for American illustrators. moderntales aka where is miguel's underwear

According to a Yahoo! headline, "2 (Jacksonville) Jags hurt in fondue-pot accident".

You can't help but wonder how that's going to play for the guys when they show up to training camp. What the fuck are two tough guys doing getting hurt by a fondue-pot or perhaps the fondue or skewers? And what the hell were two NFL players doing cooking fondue? Soccer players, maybe, but football players?

And then I read the article, and it turns out that it was the Jags' Kicker and Punter.

Figures.

from my friend amber at work:

matt groening's pledge of allegiance:

I plead alignment to the flakes
Of the entitled snakes of a merry cow
And to the Republicans for which they scam
One nacho
Under pants
Invisible
With licorice and jugs of wine
For owls

WELCOME!

creative department

please email me and tell me what you think.

the banner ad at the top of my site says, "if this banner is blinking, you are a winner."

[insert your own low self-esteem joke here]

we got a scooter at work.

http://www.electric-bikes.com/flyer.htm#Technical%20Specifications

a Phat Flyer by Currie. it is, indeed, Phat.

it has a top speed of around 15mph. less if you're more ectomorphic than my skinny white ass.

it has a range of 5-8 miles, depending on how hilly your route is. FUN FACT: there are 33 Starbucks within an 8 mile round trip of my office. (www.johnsonsheen.com). How many Starbucks are within a Phat Flyer ride of your office?

hmmm.

http://tshirthell.com/hell.htm

i'm testing links with a site from a gentleman who will write your wedding vows for you.

www.brightpoetry.com

http://www.brightpoetry.com

sitting outside with our new sidewalk johnsonsheen bistro seating in the sun in a plastic Fred Meyer chair with my feet propped on another, i realized that the plastic Freddy's table legitimized my existence on said sidewalk.

otherwise, i would've just been some shirtless freak propping his feet up on a plastic chair.

this is my first blog. how meta of me.