Now playing at your bar mitzvah

I never had a bar mitzvah.

Let's say I threw one now, and Uncle Morty gave me a $100k for the entertainment and demanded receipts (ie no hookers'n'blow).

We, the professional planners (do they have unions for that?) and I would then consult this handy Clear Channel list to see how far our money would go.

Thinking of acts that wouldn't get my nana's panties either in a) a bunch or (wait for it) b) sopping wet, I think my line-up goes like this:

G-Love: 30k (decent act, good multi-generational party vibe)
Sarah Silverman: 35k (she's tribe, in case you forgot. expect a discount. wait, nevermind. contradiction in stereotypes)
Torn about the rest.

Feel free to leave your line-up in the comments section. Not that anyone does that here. Why the apathy, playas? Tell me what I could change about me to make you like me more. (Editor hands me copy of Your Audience Is Just Not That Into You and Your Blog (simon & schuster 2006)).

Sigh. Off to fantasize about my bar mitzvah.

TEAPARTY CONCERTS : ELECTRIC FACTORY : CLEAR CHANNEL COLLEGE ENTERTAINMENT