ESPN.com: Page 2 : P-I-G of a weekend

Again, I'd like to emphasize the non-sports aspect of this story and the Sports Guy. Here's a comedic take on trying to fly on a crappy airline out of LAX while it's raining.

Wait a second, (rereading article). Shit! This was from the same Friday that I got delayed 3 1/2 hours on a 1 1/2 hour flight. Someone please explain airline quantum physics to me? If a passenger is in a bar drinking an expensive... Wait, this is about the Sports Guy's rant. I'll rant on in a second. Also note the existential 'Penthouse' at the airport delimna.

ESPN.com: Page 2 : P-I-G of a weekend: "8:45 a.m. -- Thanks to a comedy of errors, I didn't make my plane reservation until three days ago, which is relevant for three reasons. First, if my airline for the weekend was an NBA player, it would be Michael Olowokandi -- bad reputation, perennial underachiever, but a strangely palatable option since it's impossible to find a serviceable big man at a reasonable price. Everyone who flies this airline ends up feeling like Kevin McHale, the last NBA GM to sign Olowokandi, and someone who would DEFINITELY never do it again. For the purposes of this column, we'll be referring to this weekend's airline as Olowokandi Air.

9:35 a.m. -- Because of the weather conditions, my flight is delayed until 11:15, which means they have to change my connecting flight ... only the next one from Vegas to Denver doesn't leave until almost 6 p.m. Say goodbye to the Celebrity Game and the Rookie-Sophomore Game, as well as my chance to hang out with Tony Allen and Al Jefferson.

The executive board of Olowokandi Air is here to serve you!

(On the bright side, I just bought about 20 magazines and newspapers. Which reminds me, why do they sell porn mags in airports? Am I supposed to read Penthouse at the gate? Take it into the men's room? Save it for the plane so I can read it next to some horrified lady? I never understood this.)

10:40 a.m. -- After wondering why my flight hasn't pre-boarded yet, I notice other passengers screaming at the overwhelmed OA guy behind the counter. As it turns out, my plane took off at 10:30 -- that's right, took off -- because there was a brief window with the weather conditions. Normally this would be great, except for the fact that A) I'm not on the plane; B) they told everyone we were leaving at 11:15; C) they left behind 15-20 passengers who paid for tickets and checked in; and D) I was sitting 15 feet away and never knew the plane was leaving. According to the weasel behind the desk, it was our fault for not hearing the announcement over a sound system that was so muffled, it sounded like Moses Malone was making the announcements. Has an airline ever used the "You were asking for it" defense before?

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