Onion strikes paydirt

(HT: Butters) From The Onion

FAIRFIELD, CA—Lacking the exuberance, spontaneity, and airborne bodily fluids of previous all-night fuckfests, the first orgy since the passing of group-sex enthusiast Brian Hodge was a solemn and subdued affair, heavily lubricated sources reported Monday.

"Spirits were definitely low," said Catherine Davis, who claimed that Hodge's accidental drowning was almost as unexpected as the time Scott Warner reached climax inside her mouth. "We were clearly all hurting on the inside. Especially Marissa, who got double-teamed right from the start."