Random blahs

Big ups to Christo & Astrid (great LA names) for rescuing me from a night of Trader Joe's salmon, red wine and Law & Order: CI. Well, maybe except for that last part.

We had dinner at La Caban(y)a. Mainly margaritas actually. The girl that I thought was Kirsten Dunst at our Coachella weekend was there, too. (Not really interested, for some reasons, blondes haven't been on the agenda for a long... time).

Today was a really long day. There was a new biz client in the agency at 8:30, and the agency was asked to be there at 8. With my insomnia, exciting Wells Fargo deadlines (sarcasm) and dwindling sleeping pills, I got there at 6:45.

Ack.

Add into that all of the Wendy stuff, and I haven't exactly been very functional this week. Not in an unproductive way, just non-functional and
'game face'. Both my CD and new friend Taryn asked if I was OK, today. No, I'm a fucking zombie, and I'm not having fun. Not that I can really say that, because Taryn's looking at my blog now, and who knows if it's been passed on to other folks, too. Crap on a stick.

And maybe it's the pills or the lack of sleep, but in a lot of ways, I could really give a fuck. Or, it could be an annual spring meltdown (see last year (Crush/Molly, 2002-Adoption, 2003-back injury.)

The hard part right now is believing that something better will come out of these current changes than the previous changes. And because of those doubts, why the fuck bother trying to assimilate into a new place, no matter how many friends I have down here already or could make at the office/circle/BurningMan crew, etc.

Almost worse yet is realizing that the drinking and drugs are going to do nothing but delay growth/change, so that I find myself sitting at home, bored, not drinking, with no cable, no Halo, no desire to call anyone and yet buoyed by a nice mix of SSRI's that keep me from really breaking down.